My mother died suddenly, and I found her in her home. I have had a terrible time getting through the past two years. I just wanted to ask, how can I move past it and not let this event and all that is connected to it affect my happiness and the future with my young ones?

My only child died four years ago. He was 26. I still have very bad times with grief. Also, people tell me I should be over it now that it's been a couple of years. I miss him, and my life is not the same. How can it be? I want to know if this is normal?

My father died several months ago. He had been sick for about a year with dementia and heart disease. As his dementia progressed, he became more and more difficult. My mom, at times, was pretty nasty to him because she didn't understand what was happening and why he wouldn't bathe, or why he made messes in his pants and on the floor. For a year, she washed his wet sheets, cleaned up his messes and hounded him to bathe. She is now having a difficult time with the nasty words she said to him. How do I help her?

My daughter died two years ago from complications of diabetes and kidney failure. She was 27 years old. I miss her every single day, but I've been able to go on. She was so sick, had begun to have amputations, and she was not going to get any better. She was partially blind, wheelchair bound, and doing dialysis three times a week. She died peacefully in her sleep. My concern lies with my husband, who refuses to move on. The diabetic history is on his side of the family. His brother died much the same way our daughter did. My husband has diabetes also. He's drinking and says he can't get past her death. He can't wait until he can join her. He cries for her daily and is so wracked with guilt and grief he can hardly function. Then add alcohol to the mix. I firmly believe that if his life insurance would pay for suicide, he would be dead. I want to help him but don't know how. He is such a private person; he will not talk to anyone else about this.

You say, "Recovery means feeling better." Do you believe it's possible to recover completely from the death of a loved one, or will the wound always have the potential to be opened up again, causing painful feelings to well up, no matter how much grief work has been done and positive choices made?

Three years ago my daughter died by suicide. She was only 14. I have received counseling and support that have helped me. But I can't find it in my heart to go through her belongings or her room. Will I ever be able to do this?? Or is this NORMAL?

I visited my father before being deployed to Germany in 1977. He was very proud of my choice to enter the Air Force and wanted me to stop and see him when I returned home. I got stationed near his residence but didn't find time to visit him in the three months prior to his death. I still hold myself responsible for that lack of respect to my dad. How do I get past this regret, as I have held it since he died in 1979?

How can I move on after my brother abused me 28 years ago? None of my brothers, nor my mother believe me. They say that I must let it go, and if it really happened, I have to forgive him and forget the issue.

How would be the best way to help a friend whose young adult child has just committed suicide? Not sure what to do or say that will not bring more grief.

I am 60 years old and just widowed for the 3rd time two weeks ago. I lost a son at 9 months old and my mother died a tragic death. Just how much loss can one person take? I feel very numb right now and can't believe this is happening all over again. Every time I try to go forward and find happiness in my life, God has another plan.

I wrote a tribute to my best friend who just died. The truth is, we were friends for many years, lived about 2 feet away from each other for about 15 years, but this friend often treated me very badly. She stopped talking to me when HER DOG BIT MY CHILD because she was paranoid that I reported her to the Health Dept. I didn't; the hospital does. She didn't speak to me for 15 years, reappeared over the phone, and we spoke daily for two years. Then, one terrible thing after the other happened to her, and she became very nasty to me. But I continued to listen because I knew she was grieving over her husband. One day, when my life was also in jeopardy, I told her to stop calling me. She had lost it, and everyone else told me to do it, and they were right. But she continued to not eat, drink instead, and she died. I know this is not my fault, but I can't forgive myself. I wrote her a letter in my journal, saying, "I am so sorry." I have had many losses, but I am having a lot of trouble forgiving myself for telling her off.

Four years ago, my 30-year-old son was killed on his way to work. Since that happened, I have a strong feeling of unworthiness about me. I feel like there's a gaping hole in my heart — like there has got to be more to life than this. Of course, I'm sad and I miss him horribly, but I've come to the realization of the whole thing and am in acceptance of it. It seems I just do not have any ambition to want to do anything anymore. It's very difficult for me to get myself together to go out of the house. I do work full time so I have to leave daily for work, but it is a continuous struggle. Could this be related to losing him or is it just typical behavior of a woman in her 50s? I have a daughter also. Thank you,

Our dad died two months ago, and mom has a "new" boyfriend. We suspect she was seeing him while my dad was sick. How do we accept him? I know there's no amount of time to grieve, but is there too short of a time? Right now, I'm angry at my mom and can't seem to shake the fact that within six weeks, the new guy was already spending nights at her house. I can't even put into words my anger! Help!

It's been four years since my great-grandparents died. I'm now 14, and I still haven't been to their graves. I would like to know if it’s still OK to cry over their deaths. I never got to attend the open-casket ceremony, and I’m bitter because my parents banned me from attending. How do I express this to them without hurting their feelings?

It's been a little more than two years since my mom died. I'm wondering how to get my stepdad to talk about what happened. How do I start this?

My mom died on Christmas morning, sometime in the middle of the night. We’d had a great Christmas Eve, with her giving out presents and cooking the dinner. We left about 1 a.m., and she died about 3 or 4 in her sleep. So our Christmas Day was the worst Christmas ever. We didn't have a Christmas dinner like usual. I just don't know how to help my dad. A couple of days later he got the turkey out and cooked it, and we made some fixings to go with it. But how do we celebrate Christmas now, when she was the main person organizing it and every holiday, Thanksgiving, birthdays, etc.? My dad seems to be trying to go on and be normal, but all I can do is cry when I see him without her.

Is there any possible way to get over a suicide? My ex-husband committed suicide three years ago. It has devastated our daughter. She has changed drastically. She has become (an) atheist. A young lady who attended church every Sunday and Wednesday, was very active in church functions, now has completely turned away from religion. I don’t know what else to do to help her, plus try to hold it together myself. I still have nightmares of how horrible it was when we got to him. At a loss. I couldn’t save him. I’m scared I can’t save our daughter or myself.

I was wondering. It has been nearly two years since my husband died. I have remarried, but I still struggle with grief. My new husband looked at me the other day and said, "I'm not Alex, and never will be." Up until that point, I never realized there was competition or that I was comparing. I had a happy marriage for 15 years and love my new husband very much. How do we move past this?

My Mom died in July, and now Christmas is here. This holiday season has been really hard for me. I didn't even put up a Christmas tree. Mom was always baking this time of year, and I would go over and talk with her all the time. I miss her so much. I've been crying a lot, especially today. How do I get through this holiday? Thank you so much.

My daughter died five years ago. I still have unexpected moments of overwhelming sadness, sometimes to the point that I don’t hear anything going on around me, only my child’s memory in my mind. I will not be thinking of her, and all at once this happens. Why am I still doing this? My daughter was 30 years old when she died, and it was totally unexpected.

My husband died a year and a half ago. At first I could look at his pictures, but now I can't – so I avoid looking at them. Our wedding was videotaped, and I want to watch it but I can't. I feel as if I'm avoiding something. I never knew what sadness felt like until he died.

Everyone says it gets easier with time. I think it gets harder and harder! Is something wrong with me?

My mother died in June. I made it through her birthday, which was in October. I worked that day but cried all evening. I left town for Thanksgiving to forget that it was a holiday. I cannot ignore Christmas. How do I make it? I am a 57-year-old woman but it is killing me.

How and when do I truthfully answer questions from my grandson, age 9, about how his dad died? My son, physically sick, took his life (suicide) two years ago. His ex-wife — my grandson's mother — doesn't want him to know the truth. He thinks it was an "accident." This question may never come up from me to him, but if it does, later on, how do I answer his question? I have read the children's book "My Uncle Keith Died" by Carol Ann Loehr, et. al — and that may be helpful in explaining untreated depression that leads to suicide. But, I don't know what age is appropriate, if asked, and how to answer him, should he ask me. All other family members know the truth; his mother and her family keep it a secret and lie to him about it. Your insight and experience would be valuable. And I would be grateful.

My spouse of 25 years died six months ago on his 44th birthday. We'd been divorced for just less than a year when he died. We have 4 children, 2 grown, 2 teens. Even though we were divorced, it has devastated me. With the upcoming first holidays approaching, without him here, my kids wanted me to go to his grandparents' with them. Now, they have said I'm not welcome. And I have no parents. This breaks my heart. They were the only family I've known since losing my mother when I was 27. I am so sad, I don't know what to do.

My father recently died leaving three adult daughters—the youngest from the marriage to my stepmother 30 years ago. From the beginning, my stepmother has driven a wedge between my father and my sister and I. Any contact had to be through her. During his last days, she went so far as to make up stories that we were picking fights with her, and then told us we weren’t allowed to see him because the hospice limited visits to 5 minutes. The planning and preparation of the memorial service has been "none of my business" and was told I’d learn the details when it came out in the paper. Now she’s complaining to others that my sister and I aren’t there for her and her daughter. Any meetings I had with my dad were great—when she wasn't around. Along with dealing with the loss of my dad, I have to deal with not only her direct comments, but also comments from people who criticize me for not being there. Any ideas on how I can get through this?

My husband died a year and a half ago. We were together for 32 years and were finally going to move to Florida for the rest of our lives together—a move that never happened. He was my world, I feel so lost without him. It’s so hard doing this alone. I still cry every day for him. I see people going on with their lives after losing a loved one, and I can't seem to get through one day. Will it ever be right?

My mother lost her battle with cancer a year and a half ago. I was 18 at the time. It happened just two days after my high school graduation. I blame myself because she forced herself to go to the ceremony. We were very close and to this day I still feel responsible for her death. Will this guilt ever go away? I am now 20 years old and in college, but I have lost all motivation and have fallen into a slump because I carry this guilt with me every day. Is there any way to help?

My baby brother died a year and a half ago. I cry almost every day. My father has died as well as other loved ones, but this has really been hard. Is this normal, or should I talk to an expert?

Our beloved Yorkie died recently. He was like our child. How do I get over the crying and the missing him?

I lost my son to SIDS a year and a half ago. I feel horrible and jealous when I see other kids in the family having birthdays, and at Christmas and other holidays. When will I ever be able to look at other families' children and not feel this way?

My mother died two months ago after a long illness. She’d been coping with the illness, but she broke her hip and things went downhill quickly. Right after she died, I did pretty well, but about a month later I started to fall apart. I can't concentrate on work. I cry frequently. I feel guilty because I feel I could have done more for her. I had yesterday off from work and spent the entire day doing nothing, just crying. I have a lot to do in the house but I feel paralyzed. This Friday we're driving 1000 miles to deliver her ashes to where she wants them buried, and to have a small memorial service. I don't want to go on the trip. I don't want to go to the service. And I don't want to see old friends and relatives. It makes me sick to think about it......I just feel so bad all the time now.

My dearest friend’s son died last year at age 43. I was very close with him his whole life, and I was devastated when he became ill and died. His wife left him shortly after he was diagnosed. They had 4 young children [oldest was 7], and his widow will not let my friend, the grandma, see her grandchildren. To make it worse, the widow has kept my friend tied up in court as she attempts to get all of his family’s money and property. Is there anything available to help my friend who has lost her son? How can I help her?

Why does my grief come in waves? My father died in 2008, and when I think it's over (the grief), it starts all over again. I read a lot of grief books and they help, but I have to read every other month to keep it under wraps. Help!

My 37 year-old son died in a horrid car accident six months ago. He was found to have alcohol and drugs in his system. As painful as that fact is to me, I have accepted it and am trying to move on. I want to do a memorial garden at my house in his remembrance, so that I can look at it every day. Will this stop my recovery or will it help?

My mother seems to be obsessed with death ever since my brother died at the age of 44. She kept a shrine and seemed to forget she had three other children. She's been attending a  group called "Compassionate Friends" for the past eight years. She actually keeps a journal of dead people. She always says she is a victim (of everything) and will not admit anything is her fault.

How do I go on when I keep losing people in my family?

I can't get past some things leading up to my husband's death. I keep wondering if I made the right decisions at the hospital, up to when he was in hospice. And what really haunts me is that the night he died, I fell asleep in the room with him. I feel as if I let him down and even though I was in the room, I wasn’t really “there for him.” I have a feeling that I will never forgive myself for that. I don't know how to get past this. Can you help me, please?

My husband died ten months ago. I am dating someone, but I just don't feel that "I can't live without you" feeling, I think I'm still emotionally numb. I'm not in a hurry, but it just feels weird somehow. Is it too soon to be dating? Is this why I feel like this?

Ever since I was little I always wanted to know who my dad was, and when I finally met him and got the chance to try to get to know him, he was killed in an auto crash. My dad was thrown through the windshield and ripped to spreads. Six months before that my granny died. The only two people I cared for died on me and now every holiday that comes around I’m in pain over it. I even see my dad going thru the windshield at times and it really scares me. I can not go to family members since my brother and mom have really hurt me while I was growing up in more ways than one. I was just starting to care again. How do I forget the pain and get rid of theses nightmares as well as learn how to have fun, and be able to truly trust others again?

My ex-fiancé died three years ago. I still have moments where I am overwhelmed with sad emotions and feel so lost without him. Why do I grieve on and off?

It's been two years since my dad died and I feel like I'm in a black hole. I have a lot of anger built up. My Dad and I were really close but every time I try to think of good memories, I think of him laying in his casket. I want to see good memories but I just can't. Is there anyway I can find a path to be able to see good memories?

My 91-year old mother suffers from Alzheimer's and lives in an assisted living facility in another state, so I can't see her as often as I'd like. Her roommate just died.They had become very close friends. What behaviors can I expect and how can I help her cope with this loss?

I had been trying to reach my ex-husband for the past couple of years, only to find out that he died three years ago—though I don’t know how he died. I'm choking inside. We were never enemies. I must know, for closure in my heart, how he died, but his family won’t return my calls and they didn’t notify me of his death. He was a wonderful husband while we were together and I loved him dearly. Even though I now know he died three years ago, my wounds feel brand new. Can you help me? (Published 03/01/2016)

I recently discovered that my college sweetheart had died 12 years ago and I didn't know about it until I did an Internet search of her name. I now have deep feelings of guilt for not having resolved our situation. I did love her but we were too young to be married and she ended up going through two marriages and I myself never married and went through a series of relationships some long-term and some not.

My husband died just over a month ago. I feel very lost and lonely without him. Why is it when I feel I'm doing ok, I seem to forget that he died, and when i remember— BANG!— it hits like a Mack truck, and the pain, hurt, and tears start all over again like it was the day he died?

How can I move on and go to my friend’s grave to put the necklace he gave me back with him if I couldn’t go to his funeral, because I couldn’t imagine seeing him deceased in front of me and having to remember him like that?

My 48 year-old sister died unexpectedly six months ago. There was no funeral, no memorial, just a quick cremation. I have no real place to go and put flowers or view a resting place. I am so lost. What can I do??

As my mother was dying, twenty years ago, she wouldn't allow anyone except my father and me to be present. I come from a very large family, and my siblings somehow hold me responsible for them not being allowed to be there. Since then, I’ve been shunned and excluded from family events. Although I’ve filled my life with supportive and loving friends, and my boyfriend, who was my rock, I miss my family. I’ve tried in every way to correct what I view as
my mother's selfish behavior in not allowing any of them to visit and say good-bye to her. Is there anything I can do to create a happy ending?

My twin sister died nineteen months ago, and eighteen months ago my mother died while I was incarcerated. I was in jail because I’d stolen from my her. My guilt about that was and is horrible. I was using drugs then, but I’m clean almost two years now. My cousin died last summer—I missed his funeral too. A week ago my dad died, and the family wouldn’t let me attend the services. I've stayed clean and sober through all of this in my mom’s and twin sister’s honor. I’m saddened and broken. Please help.

My husband of 29 years died three months ago, and I just lost the best mom in the world, six months before that. It's so hard! I miss them both. I have good days and bad. How do I go on?

My 15 year old niece, who was almost like one of my own, committed suicide on Easter this year. It has been a devastating time to say the least but we are plowing through. However, her 16th birthday is in two weeks and I am dreading it and not sure how to handle it with her parents (my sister and her husband). That is followed closely by Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her family is very close to ours and I simply do not know how to handle these upcoming events with such a devastating hole in our lives. Any advice?

My father died in 1989 and my mother  in 2003. I visit their graves frequently. I cannot forget about them like my siblings have. I lay artificial flowers down and find that they have been removed. What do I do? I feel hurt that someone would do this. The siblings don't speak to one another. Also, though I have spoken and confessed my sins to a priest, I still feel guilty for not being a kind of daughter they wanted me to be. Why am I feeling this way?

It‘s coming up on two years since my Dad died. He was 84. I’ve been in therapy every week and am maxed out on medication. A part of me died with my Dad. Things will never be the same again. I go to the cemetery everyday to be close to my Dad. I was with my Dad everyday and cared for him. My Dad was in a rehab center to learn to walk again and seemed to be doing great. I received a call at 5:27 AM on that fateful day. They said, “We did everything we could. Your Dad has expired.” I was like, expired to me means a gallon of milk expires, not my Dad. I did not like that word. I feel so guilty that he died alone, that kills me. I miss him so, so much. I feel so alone

My mother died eight years ago. It still feels like it was yesterday. Will the pain and the sadness ever get easier?

I just need to know when a grieving process will end. My Grandpa died five years ago and I still feel like it was yesterday. It tears at me everyday. I need help please.

My mom died two years ago. I miss her so much that I cry almost everyday. I can't seem to move forward. It's like all time has stood still. Sometimes I don't think I can face another day. I don't know what to do, who to talk to or where to go. Please help me.

How do I get through each day without my mom—my best friend? She used to tell me to let things roll off my back, but I can’t do it anymore. When I express myself and my opinions, my family says I am crazy. I will be going back to therapy hopefully next week. Until then I guess I can only pray.

I am a hospice nurse, unable to take any steps towards my own grief process. I've lost two very close brothers in the past of 4 years. My elderly parents are declining, and out of the three siblings left, I'm their caregiver. I have a deep spiritual faith and trust God completely. I cannot determine what I am going through...can't tell if it's depression, grief, fear or anticipatory grief. I am often at the bedside of dying patients and their family members. How am I able to help them, when I'm not able to help myself? I'm so fearful about what my emotional state will become when the first of my parents dies. They are in deep depression now, and I am the one they lean on. I'm able to rise to the occasion, but only until I return home. What do I need to do to get out of this pit?

My mom died a month ago. I don’t seem to be dealing with it normally. I still cry every day. I don’t understand the finality of it. I have a terminal illness myself, and my grief is affecting my health. I can’t fathom that you are here one minute and gone the next. I can’t get help from the church. I feel dumbfounded. What do you think would point me in a positive way to try to wrap my head around it at this point?

My dear wife of 41 years died nearly seven years ago. I dream of her every night since. Is this normal?

I lost my sister when I was 3. After that my mom lost it and started pills. I was molested on a regular basis by a family member till I was 17. I lost my mom to suicide when I was 23. My ex husband brought me up to New England and I had 2 more children. I started getting sick - my thyroid was shutting down. My ex  had an affair. Then came 9/11, and my daughter joined the marines. On her way to being sworn in, she was in a horrible car accident. My world turned upside down. I got her back to health, then had to become her guardian. My husband left me for his therapist. He shipped me and my disabled daughter to New Mexico. I had to work my way back to Mass. I moved in with a friend and then my Daddy died. He was found dead on the floor. He had been dead for at least 3 days. He was green when we viewed his body. 2 weeks later my 1st cousin by marriage was murdered in Boston at a drug rehab location. 4 days after that I was in court getting a divorce. I came home to find my 19 year old son had overdosed. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm being punished. My health is failing. I'm backed into a corner taking care of everyone but myself. 

I lost my Great Grandmother May 2010, then in 2011 my father-in-law became ill with cancer. I took care of him and was with him in my home the morning he died a few months later. I feel so overwhelmed because I don't feel I ever got to fully mourn for my Great Grandmother whom I was very close to. Then,  wham, I lose my father in law. The impact felt harder because I cared for him, and everyone says I only feel this way because of the fact that I was his primary care giver. How do I mourn for two loved ones that held such precious places in my life? I feel as if I am losing my mind. I talked to God in prayer and I still feel my questions are not answered. I can't even think about holiday celebrations for the children and my family, though I know they expect the same traditional gatherings I've always done! Is there anything you can suggest that may help me see joy again? Help me feel like all I worked hard for is really worth it? Am I just walking to a grave? If so, then why do we as humans even try?

I wrote to you about a year and a half about my feelings I had when I lost my wife, mother, and father. What I was wondering is that I am trying to get along with my life and I have found another women to share my thoughts with and stay with me, but I always feel like I am cheating on my wife and I feel so guilty. Is this just me? I have cried every day for the first year. Thing are better except for my feelings. Thank you in advance for your reply.

I couldn't be there and watch the end come. It was to painful, so I backed away and missed some very precious moments. I have so many regrets. How do you accept that you let someone down, when you should have been there?

How do I get over the death of my brother? It has been 5 years, and everyday is still really hard. There has been no closure because the person that killed him is still out there.

My cousin's son died two years ago unexpectedly. She does not want to go on with her life and continues to cry each day. She has two other children and two grandchildren. I kindly suggest to her to focus on them, but to no avail. HELP!! I want to help her but don't know how.

My husband died 12 years ago. I think of him everyday and often re-live—in my memory—our early days together. Something always reminds me of him. I expect him to come in the door and say 'hi honey, how are you and how are the kids?' He developed Parkinson’s Disease at 44 and died at 61. I am now 76. Is this a normal grief reaction to go on so long?

My mother died when I was 2 years old. It’s been 20 years since she’s been gone, and as each year goes by, it just gets harder dealing with the pain of not growing up with her in my life. She was 20 years old when she died, and I’ve already out-lived her. What is a good way to deal with the pain? I understand and accept that she is gone, I just don’t know how to deal with it.

My precious 16 year old granddaughter committed suicide a month ago, 4 days shy of her 17th birthday. Her father (my son) found her, but it was too late to save her. I am feeling so many emotions; anger, guilt, just a blackness all around me. Will I ever be able to think of her or speak her name without breaking down in tears? I just ache all over and don't see any relief in the future. Thank you for considering my question.

My brother died two months ago, leaving behind three small children, ages 10, 5, and 3. The little one keeps asking us when her daddy is going to wake up, and why she can’t go see him in heaven. What should we tell her that can help her to have a better understanding, or is there anything that we can say to help her to understand?

How can I help my daughter who is grieving the death of her daddy (my husband of 46 years)? You see, she was drinking heavily and had overdosed on her medications the day he died. She had been with us for weeks prior to my husband's death helping me and her sister care for him, but she was not coping with my husband's illness and pending death. She was so out of it the day of her daddy's passing that she wound up in the hospital in ICU. She is so guilt ridden that I'm not sure she will ever recover. She lives several states away from me in a very small town.  Her mental health is declining and it's been a year since my husband's death. She can't seem to forgive herself for her actions.

My mother died three years ago. I was wondering if it’s ever going to get easier for me to accept that she is gone, and not cry every time I think of her?

My husband left me after 42 years. My daughter found out she has Parkinson’s at the young age of 35. And yesterday, my granddaughter was killed in a freak accident. What can I do to stop crying? I have cried for a month. Please help me.

My grandpa died seven years ago, when I was 12. I never got to say good bye or anything. Does he know I love him? And I feel so guilty because I broke a 10 ft mirror the very same night he passed. Is it my fault? I miss him so much.

My twin sister died two years ago, unexpectedly, in the hospital a week after having open heart surgery. We had been estranged for 10 years until I saw her in the hospital right after surgery. We were fully expecting her to make it through this surgery but a few days later she started to falter. I was with her for several hours before she died. I have never taken the time to properly grieve for her. I think about her every day. What will happen to me if I am unable to grieve? I just don't know exactly how to go about this process.

My sister lost her oldest child 7 years ago and just 4 months ago she lost her baby boy who was 36 years old. Needless to say, she was just beginning to get over the loss of her oldest son and this happened to her only child left. I am so worried about her. I pray for her all the time. She is just so mad that God took her last son. Please, I am asking for any suggestions or any advice you can offer that may help my sister. Thank you and God Bless.

Will I ever stop blaming myself? My mother died last year when I was almost 15 years old. She had left my father and I when I was a baby, but we had maintained contact. A month prior to her death, she called, we fought, and I said some awful things to her, things that I didn't mean. My father told me she’d died two days after her death. She was only 33. I never got to go to her funeral because it was far away. Because of that fight we had shortly before she died, I still blame myself for her death. I don't know what I can do at this point. I've seen 2 therapists and I’ve really tried to get help. And even though I have a family that supports me, it seems like after everything is said and done, I'm still sitting alone thinking the same thing: "It was my fault!”

I was involved in a motorcycle accident in which my boyfriend died. I have anxiety every day and especially on Fridays, the day it happened. Because of my injuries and the trauma, I can’t remember exactly how it happened. I’m obsessed with knowing what happened, and I even wonder how and why I’m still here. Most painful of all for me, is that he died of a broken neck. I didn’t know what to do and did nothing to save him before help arrived. I am tormented by the thought of him gasping for air and dying while I couldn’t help. I just can’t seem to get over it. What can I do?

Will I ever get past the death of my husband? He died two and ½ years ago. He was my second husband and the love of my life. I sold our home and moved to another location. I felt better at first, but now the grief is back. I cry almost everyday. I am reliving all the things we did together. I even have bouts of resentment for some of the things he did. I feel guilty about this. I just want to stop having these thoughts. I was taking anxiety medication but stopped because I felt I was getting addicted. I have episodes of drinking to stop the pain. That only makes me worse. I’m also resenting my children for not being here for me. I feel let down by everybody. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss someone. I’m so sick of this grief and loneliness. What to do?

My son died six yeas ago. I still miss him. Life for me is so extremely different. I have been in therapy since he died. My question: I have not gotten support from my family. My sister says, "I have a friend who lost her son to hanging himself. You should be over this by now. He's dead, 6 ft in the ground, worm food." This statement continues to crop up in my mind and hurts deeply! I so much want my sister to understand the depth of my pain as my son was my only child and we were very close. How can I come to terms with myself that this will never happen? She doesn't understand, because she has not lost her son.

My dad died a month ago. I am having a hard time getting past the loss and miss him so much that it hurts. I am functioning, but feel that I will never be happy again, and I also feel that this is the beginning of the end (he was the glue that held our family together). I am single and have had my share of trouble (my whole life and also most recently) - and my Dad was my biggest cheerleader. How long does this grief last?

Is there anything you recommend  to be able to move past the aching in my heart I have for my grandmother who died almost 6 months ago? I have written her letters, shared memories, tried to live by the example she's set, but my broken heart isn't healing.

My daddy died while I was in prison. I have been out now for 2 months and it’s still hard on me to come to the fact that he is gone. I tell myself everyday that he's just out on the boat and I’ll just call him later. But then when I pick up the phone, he isn’t there. How can I get myself to realize that he is gone?

My grandmother died recently and it hurts so much to lose someone who I’ve been so close to. It also hurts when I talk to my husband. I cry about it and tell him I’m missing her so much. She was more like my mother rather than my actual mother, but I can't seem to cope with being around others when I think about her. All I do is cry and when they say “is something wrong,” I just look at them and say “no.” They ask me what I’m crying for. I say, “Nothing,” and that’s why I hardly have any friends, because I can’t seem to get over that she’s never coming back.

It’s been three years since my parents died. I’m still mourning over them and sometimes feel very lost, like I cant live without them. Is this still normal after 3 years?

My best friend and soul mate died unexpectedly just this past April. I knew him for 9 years and we spent every day together we had a lot of great times together, and because of this he was the person I felt closest to in my life. Now all of it has come to an end, out of the blue, and it all feels so strange and shallow. Every day I have empty, hurt feelings about his death, and feel that I have no closure with him. I don't know how to deal and cope with the empty, hurt, shallow, and strange feelings I have about losing the person I felt closest to in my life. Please help me. It’s been almost 2 months since he died and I still feel like this.

My cousin's husband was murdered. She and her husband were a wonderful couple, educated and successful. The killing was brutal. I grew up with my cousin, but as adults we haven’t been close. I don't know what words of comfort I can possibly offer. I cannot get my mind around the senselessness of this loss. I'm hurt for my cousin, and furious at the person who did this with no regard for the devastation he was leaving behind. What can I say to her?

After thirty-nine years of marriage, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part; then, in a heart-beat, that person is gone. How do you go on when your heart is so broken?

It has been 16 years since my Dad died and 15 months later, my Mom died. People keep saying that "It gets easier in time". No it doesn't! I go through life, but the pain and sadness are always in my heart. I want to know, when does it get easier? I’m going through a lot of difficulties now and I really want and need my parents, just to talk to, to give me advice on what to do. I miss them both so much. I just want the pain to stop. Help?

My father had to be taken off  life support as he was classified as "no brain function" after suffering a heart attack. I have regrets thinking maybe there would have been a miracle. My siblings are at peace with the situation, but after many years, I cant seem to move forward. What can I do?

We have a lady in our grief support group whose mother died six years ago, and her brother, a year ago. She was still grieving for her mother when her brother’s death set her back some more. She’s under medication and her doctor tells her that healing from grief has no time frame. Does this  make sense? She has been to other support groups but nothing seems to help

My only brother died near the end of 2007. Mom got sick with cancer and died in the summer of 2008, and Dad died of a heart attack (broken heart) in the fall of 2008. 3 deaths within 10 months. I was completely blindsided. I did see a grief counselor for about 6 months. Each day I was reminded of them somehow. Every month it seems like it’s their birthday, Mothers day, Fathers day, their death anniversaries. I have not been able to let go of anything that was Mom and Dad's yet. I have excess of everything. Songs make me cry, flowers in my yard, etc.. I'm more depressed than happy. Yes, I’m on meds. Any help or advice would be so much help.

Four months ago, I gave birth to my daughter who was stillborn. I have not yet begun to fully deal with this, and the depression from it feels as though it's suffocating me. Then yesterday evening, I received word that my mother had just died. I am finding myself reliving the loss of my daughter on top of the loss of my mother. I don't think I can take too much more, mentally. How can I start the grieving process and work my way through it, instead of being stuck in this pool of quicksand that is taking me under?

Please help people understand that saying, "I know how you feel," is such a horrible statement. "No, you do not know how I feel." If you lost someone, your feelings are totally different than mine. Please, please stop walking to the other side of the street to avoid me. Grief isn’t contagious!  I know you mean well, but please, do not say, "I know how you feel." 

My two month old son died three months ago. Sometimes I hurt so bad that I even feel myself getting mad at God because I don’t understand how HE could do this. My son was happy, smiling all the time, and healthy. I feel lost all the time now. Will I always feel this way?

My boyfriend of sixteen years died in a car accident 3 1/2 years ago. I’ve been unable to get rid of any of his clothes or personal belongings from our bedroom. What do you suggest? I know that I need to do this and should have already done so. I can't seem to bring myself to disturb his belongings! Thank You very much in advance for any feedback.

My dad died two years ago, sadly, a week before Father’s Day. I never got along with my step-mom, and when dad died she sold all of his belongings; had him cremated; and didn’t have a service. I was not able to lay my dad to rest nor really grieve. This has caused me a lot of depression problems and marriage problems. I miss him so much. Will this ever get better?

My daddy died a few weeks ago. It was extremely sudden and we do not even have a positive answer as to what happened yet. I am 29 with a 23 year old sister. I was lucky enough that my dad walked me down the aisle and that he was present for both of his grandsons' births. However, my little sister will not be able to have those experiences with him, and the guilt is killing me. I feel like a lost little girl! Please give me some advice on how to be strong for my sister, and what I can do to make it up to her.

How can I move on from my mother's death? We were so close and her rights were terribly violated. Fifteen hours after she told her doctor and the nursing home administrator that she wanted to go home, she was dead. I was her daughter, advocate, and proxy, but I was never notified that she was found unresponsive and being rushed by ambulance; and I was lied to about discharge dates and wasn’t told that she was put on hospice care "due to her overall decline in condition," and "to maintain her dignity through the dying process." I am a tortured soul and so lost without my dear mother. I’ve wanted to take my life every day, yet I am a mother of 3, and can’t do that to them. Please give me some advice. I have tried to get a lawyer as that is how my state left it with me, but they say it would take thousands of dollars. I NEVER thought she was NOT coming home.

My son died 4 years ago of leukemia. He was 33 years old at the time. He was married with one son. I haven't been able to recover enough to live my life normally. I am slightly withdrawn and avoid social situations whenever I am able. I still cry a lot and think of him every day. I gained lots of weight after he died, but I am finally losing some of it. I just cannot understand why God would let him die such a horrible death. He was sure God would heal him and we took him to the best leukemia hospital available to us. It has been so hard for all of us, but we have been able to stick together as a family. I don't know how to cope with my feelings and begin to live again.

My dad died five years ago. I was always "daddy's girl," and my life revolved around him. Everyone says time heals...but it hasn't. It feels as if it happened yesterday. I'm hurting just as much today as I did the day he died. When will this pain end?

Next month will be a year since my ex-fiancé died. How can I move on in my life with my new husband if I can't get over my x? I never got closure. I have a video of my ex-fiancé singing a song he wrote for me. How can I stop watching it all the time and making myself cry and get sad? I never got closure and I can't move on in my life.

Do you have any Grief Recovery Method webinars for those who have lost loved ones in a natural disaster?

My husband died in the summer of 2010. I can't seem to let go. When I think about letting go, I feel physically ill. I was married over 30 years, and I’m trying very hard to live my life without my husband, but it hurts as if it was yesterday. I also have a daughter who periodically threatens suicide. She was very close to her dad.

My two uncles died. Both were sudden deaths, and one was a suicide. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to either of them. The one who took is own life suffered with bi-polar depression. I blame myself because I believe I could have helped if I had known that he had depression. I think I should have known. What can I do to deal with the feelings I have?

I just read your article about violent images of death. My question isn't even about someone I know. I read a story yesterday about this little 6 year old boy who got killed by falling into the wood chipper while he was helping his dad. The story said he was pulled in when he tried to throw in a branch. I am the father of 3 young children, one of them is my almost six year old son. I have been unable to shake this image of horror. I am afraid to tell anyone that I feel this way because I don't want to share this image with them. I have been crying and everything, and I don't even know the family or the child at all. How can I get past this?

How can I teach the people in my life how to handle someone in grief? I am taking the actions in The Grief Recovery Handbook for myself. I plan on teaching them myself, but I'm doing my grief work first. I don't want to seem pushy with the new principles laid out by the Grief Recovery Institute, but I also don't want to live in silence anymore.

How are we supposed to go on without our loved ones? The pain is unbearable.

Our 29 yr old son shot himself. His wife found him in their garage when she came home from work. She was 3 months pregnant and has two little girls also. It's been 4 years and I'm still coping with "a flu like feeling" everyday—constantly wondering why. Now the kids are a little older and they miss him; they ask questions about him when they visit. After they're gone I break down. They needed him and he's gone! How can I ever get over this?

How can I deal with not knowing how he died?

My son committed suicide In 2009. I was the last phone call he made and it went to my answering machine in the middle of the night. It’s been 2+ years now and I still have trouble sleeping before the hour of the phone call. I did not keep the recording but I can still hear it in my head as plain as day. My question is: What is a "normal" amount of time for this to continue? I don’t really have an outlet for the grief and do not talk very openly about my son’s death. I feel like I have to be the strong one but its eating me up inside. Any advice is welcomed. Thank you very much for your time.

My mother died in January 2011; my very best friend in March 2011; my dear youngest sister in October 2011; and my loving spouse in March 2012. The grief is overwhelming When will the pain stop, the nightmare end?

My son died soon after he turned 30, nearly five years ago. Our relationship was complex and we had our issues and 'ups and downs', but we were very close. One could say we grew up together. He was my only child. I have managed well and I think I did all the right things. I'm working and am married. My problem is that I can't seem to get over this constant sadness, anger, and depression. I don't blame it all on my son's death, but I still feel like that is the underlying issue that feeds this malaise. I sometimes feel stuck. Do you have any thoughts or advice for me?

My son has been gone for over 30 years now.. He was 9 when he passed away with cancer. Is it still normal for me to hurt on special days like his birthday or Christmas? People tell me to get over it all the time and I try to tell them it isn't that easy. I don't dwell on his death I just hurt on certain days and miss him terribly. I don't think I am wrong at doing this. Am I?

My father recently died—just a month ago—and ever since I am unable to eat. I barely drink enough to stay alive. I go from sleeping 16 hrs a day to not sleeping at all. I refuse to get out of bed or even function. I don't know what to do. I met my father 5 yrs ago for the first time and ever since then we had become so ultra close. Do you have any suggestions on what I can/should do to start living life again? Cause right now, I don't see a way out of this depression.

How do I make my daughter understand my grief for my son dying is different than hers—he was her brother?

My beloved mother died suddenly nine months ago while in the hospital from an unrelated illness. I was with her almost day and night. The day she died I went home to get some rest and clean up. While I was in the shower the hospital was calling. When I got out of the shower, a message from the doctor indicated I needed to call him right away. When I did, he told me something suddenly happened and my mother had died. I rushed to the hospital to find my mother propped up like at a viewing, and no one was around to explain anything. Evidently, she had died from ruptured ulcers, a condition that we hadn’t known about. My question is how to deal with all this emotional trauma. We were best friends and very close. I was her caregiver and I did not see that ambush coming my way. She was my Mom and she trusted me. This gaping hole is killing me. You can't help but feel the guilt over the loss, the autopsy, and the guilt over what you might have been able to do. I know all that is apart of the grieving process. Help, please.

My parents were involved in a serious head on collision six years ago. My mother died after 7 months in the hospital, without ever coming home. My father can't even think about her, or speak about her without tearing up and becoming depressed. They had just celebrated their 50th anniversary the month before the accident and dad had been taking care of mom as she was in bad health. He is also a veteran suffering from PTSD and other health issues. Is this normal for couples being together for so long and one being a care giver? Do they miss their mate more than normal? I miss mom too, but I have gone on with my life and don't always cry when I reminisce about her.

My mom died in December, 2010. She was my only relative. I was not a good daughter, and I have an incredible amount of regrets, sorrows, heartache and baggage about how I treated her. I cry every day. I cannot drive near an ambulance, or go into a hospital, let alone the one she died in. I deserve to be an empty shell and wallow in regrets, but when can I start to heal? How much longer will the pain, despair and sorrow last? How much longer will I hate myself?

I met someone last year around this time, our love was short lived but filled with some of the happiest hours of my life. He died in an unfair way. I have cried, prayed, talked, read about death and I still cry easily when I think of him. Do we learn to live with the grief or does it go away? I don’t want to forget him. Sometimes it feels I'm still in love with a spirit and it will be hard for me to move on because he was everything I had prayed for. I've since stayed to myself more because I feel my friends and family don't understand me. How does this work?! I have children who depend on me, but I find myself longing to be with him.

My father died in 2009. It seems like my life is consumed by his death still. Everyday I cry for him, talk to him. and sometimes even act like he didn't die. I know that he's never coming back, but i don' want to believe it. He died of lung cancer. and everyday I wonder why. Why him? I get mad at him for dying. I know it's not his fault, but I need someone to blame. And God is out of the picture. Is it normal to still be feeling this horrible?

I lost my son 10 yrs. ago to Lymphoma. I have become very bitter and withdrawn. I can't find anything to occupy my time and nothing interests me. I can't seem to pull myself up out of this slump. He was our only child and I worshiped the ground he walked on—he was my world. When he died, I felt that our Pastor deserted us, so we had no spiritual counseling. I regret we didn't seek counseling elsewhere. Maybe if we did, I wouldn't be so bitter. Is it too late to seek counseling, or would it help since it's been 10 years?

I lost my mother about 23 years ago and my oldest sibling took over the responsibility of being mom to myself and 7 other sisters and brothers. Three years ago we lost one sibling, a girl who was fifty years old. I held on tightly to the older sister for support and she also passed away last March. I have one other sister but we are not as close as I was to this sister. I really don't want to live anymore but again I have my own children and my two deceased sisters children totaling 9 kids. I am so distraught and close to giving up but all theses kids need me. How do I be strong?

I have a twin sister who lost her only child in April of 2006, she was shot to death by her boyfriend. It has been very tough on us all and I too still have a hard time coping but my sister is stuck in anger mode and there is no moving her. She's so far into it that there's no talking to her at all. All reason has been pushed aside. She says no one understands because it was her daughter and we don't know what she’s going through. Very destructive towards the emotions of others. Now my mother has been diagnosed with cancer and her anger has intensified. Can you help? I cry EVERY DAY still, but now it's not just for my niece, but for my sister too! Thank you so much for your time, and for listening.

How can I help my 13 year old daughter get her life back on track? My husband, her dad, died 11/09/09, his funeral was 11/19/09. My birthday is also in November, and then comes Thanksgiving and the Christmas season.  She was a happy and adventurous girl, a straight A student in the gifted program. Now she gets F's, does not want to go to school, does not want friends, does not want to go or do anything.

I lost my brother to suicide 5 years ago. I miss him a lot. I still cry. I still treasure his things. I still visit his death site every year on the death date. But I am functioning, meaning, I do well at work, I take time to do things I love, my music etc. Does this mean I am still grieving? Does letting go mean not crying at all? Not visiting his death site? Where am I in grieving?

About 2 1/2 years ago, I was at the bedside of a close friend, holding her hand, as she died. For some unknown reason, a part of me still does not want to accept that she is gone. I was told that my mind and my heart have not yet come to terms with her death, and, that this may never happen. WHY?

Last year, my mother, my father, and my wife died two months of each other. I miss them all so much, but it seems like I can deal with the deaths of my mom and dad so much better than I can with the death of my wife. I cry every day over my wife. Is this normal? I have been trying to find an answer why, but I come up with nothing. Don't get me wrong I love my mom and dad a lot, but there’s something different about my wife that I can't figure out. I hope you can give me an answer so I can pass it on to my family members that haven't gone through what I have. Thank You

My brother-in-law was widowed 5 months ago after his wife contracted a fatal bacterial infection while in the hospital. He seems to be displacing a lot of his anger at my husband, his younger brother. He stopped coming over to our house to visit or have a meal with us. When is it appropriate to remove her clothing, medications and personal things form the house? Also, her voice is still on the answering machine. It's creepy to hear it after 5 months. He goes every Saturday to her grave and spends hours there. Is all of this behavior healthy?

My brother has stage IV cancer that has spread to his liver. We are very close but don't live in the same state. How can I make sure I say and do the "right" things so that I don't have regrets later on? Is there information about how to have candid conversations about letting go and saying goodbye?

My dad died seven months ago, and my uncle died in December. I am really lost right now. I cry all the time and I never want to go anywhere. What should I do?

How emotionally safe is denial?

I wronged my father in many ways when I was younger and I miss him a lot. I did have a chance to apologize and say good-bye, but it doesn't seem enough. He was my best friend, fishing and golfing buddy. He taught me everything I know. The thing is he died of liver and pancreatic cancer and went too fast. I always thought with my health problems (which are extensive) I would go before him, but now that he's gone I don't feel the same. How should I feel? He's been gone for almost 4 months now and there are issues we never covered.

My spouse died five years ago. I still have not healed to the extent where I am moving on with my life. I have dreams about his death and about him a lot. I have all of his possessions still and am not ready to relinquish them. I know that there is so much that I haven’t faced with his death; and I don’t know how to do so. Help, please.

My grandmother was my best friend. She died almost 4 years ago, yet every time I think of her I cry for hours. I cannot seem to get over the deep sadness. How can I begin?

Maybe you can help me or suggest where to go. I am an adopted, only child,and both my adoptive parents have died. Where would I look to find others that are basically 'orphans' that are in the same situation as I am. Our grief is different in some ways— as we ( I ) now have NO RELATIVES on the planet and the intensity of the loneliness I feel is horrific. What do you think? Help please!

My step-dad died nearly a year ago, and I still find myself grieving and crying for him every day. I was with him when he took his final breath and though I could do nothing, I still feel I should have done something. He got sick with pneumonia and within a few weeks, he was put on a respirator and then when it wasn’t working, we took him off and let him go. Yet I still can't seem to move on. What can I do? Everyone tells me to suck it up and all, and I do but only to a point. I just miss him so very much and miss his guidance. I was not ready for a life without him.

My husband died eight months ago. I feel guilty because in the last five months of his life he was on life support. I feel that I let him down by not removing him from the machines that he never wanted to be on, but he had no living will and his mom was totally against letting him go. I feel like he blames me as much as I blame myself. We were married 16 yrs and after he died, all I could think was that at least he wasn't suffering any longer. I didn't really cry and I think something’s wrong because he was my soul mate and I miss him everyday. Please let me know if what I feel is normal. I also want you to know that he was a fighter. He had 3 kidney transplants and was in and out of the hospital all his life; never did he let it get him down! He was always happy. I really miss my best friend and husband.

My dad died a year ago a few days after Christmas. Some days I feel the pain will never leave. I also feel that he was the one constant and the one thing and person I knew in my heart of hearts was always there. How do I move on? Will I, and will I ever feel that secure and safe again?

I am 25 years old. In March, 2010, my 3 year old daughter died. Since this happened, it's like I'm forcing myself through everyday. I have become increasingly angry, and then sad—just a roller coaster of emotions. I can't look at her pictures too much because it feels like someone is stealing the air from my chest. The holidays just passed and it was awful. I work all the time just so I don't think about it, I guess, I still don't want it to be real. When I finally do break down and cry it seems to happen at bad times, like when I am at work. I just want to know how to begin to deal with this. My inability to deal with my emotions seems to be causing tension with the rest of my family, I know they understand what is going on but I know it is getting exhausting for them. What should I do?

I am 40 years old. My 19 year old son died a month ago, killed by a drunk driver in a car accident. How do I go on from this? How does my 21 year old daughter continue her life now that her best friend is gone?  My 5 year old is almost emotionless, which is hard because he and his brother were so close. His father and I struggle everyday with the pain. With all of this, my husband and I have to think about going back to work and moving on when I don’t think wither of us want to move on. My mom, who was extremely close to my  son, died the day after him from a heart attack. How can this be happening?

How do you grieve a father who left when you were three? Then, when I was 28 years old, I found out he had died. I cant fill the void; I cant feel happy. I cry a lot when I’m alone, and can’t seem to get past him dying, which is strange to me because he was never really with me.

I lost my 21 year old daughter 5 years ago from a drug overdose. I thought I was doing okay. I continued working, going to college, maintaining everything. About 6 months after it happened I began to come apart and to be honest just didn't want to be here anymore without her. When I think about it that seemed so selfish because I had other children and grandchildren but my heart was so broken I couldn't feel anything they were offering me in the way of comfort. I turned to alcohol and began a downward spiral that nearly took my life 4 or 5 times. I was angry every time I woke up because I did not feel like I should still be here and she wasn't. To my way of thinking she was more deserving of life than me. Even though it's been five years that question is still foremost in my heart. I am doing well, have the drinking under control and no longer wish to die but it's that question that still begs an answer. I now have God in my life and that is a great comfort but how do I stop feeling guilty for being the one alive. Mommies should not have to bury their children and I don't know how to reconcile that in my head.

My husband and I divorced in 2008. I was the spouse who filed. I am feeling increasing despair and sadness as time passes. I am blaming myself for leaving when I loved my ex-husband. I had unknown past baggage from childhood abuse that I now know affected my ability to be in the marriage. Now that I know all this, I can't make peace with the decision I made to leave. I didn't free myself from problems but instead I found out the source. My life is 99.9 % worse since the divorce. Do you have any advice for someone grieving a divorce that they initiated and regret?

How do I get past my nephew dying on my son’s birthday? They were best friends, and I’m filled with so many mixed emotions and pain in my heart.

He was my grandson. He was only ten. His mom, my daughter was driving the car. It has been five years, and the waves of grief are still overpowering sometimes. My daughter is still totally devastated. I know tears last for a night, joy cometh in the morning. But when will morning come? This is pure hell!

I have been married to my husband since he was 17 and I was16. He is in his 40s now, but he is terribly depressed. I don't know how to help him. At first, he lost his sister when she was young—age 26—very unexpectedly. Then his mother, his grandmother, his father, and now his niece. They were so close together and so unexpected that he can't handle all this. His fear now is that I am going to die, because everyone he had left in the world has died already, and there's no one left. It's so hard for him to keep a job, and hard for him to want to keep going on. How do I help him? He has suffered more losses than anyone should, too soon. Thank you for any help you can offer.

My son died nearly a year ago. Every morning I feel like my stomach has been ripped out of me. I cry about once a week and have a nice picture of him next to his urn. This makes me feel more relieved knowing he is home. Some people look at me like I am weird. Is this all normal for me? He was my caretaker and best friend and I miss him a lot.

The love of my life died unexpectedly. We loved each other very much. Since his death I have read all of his love letters and text messages thousands of times—all of them always saying he could never live without me. I feel very guilty living (if you can call it living) without him. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

My son died 19 months ago tonight. How can I move on? I have cried for the last 19 months. I lost my husband and children because of grief. I am currently on meds but they don’t help a lot. How do I try to live without him. He was eight and so beautiful, and taken suddenly. Is this what my life will be forever?

Maybe you both can help or suggest where to go. I am an adopted, only child and both my adoptive parents have passed. Where would I look to find others that are basically 'orphans' that are in the same situation as I? Our grief is different in some ways—as we ( I ) now have NO RELATIVES on the planet and the intensity of the loneliness felt is horrific. What do you think guys? Help please.

In march of this year, I learned that my dad had lung cancer. I was devastated and I took time off from school to go support him and go to his appointments, etc. He went through radiation and was scheduled for chemo. By the time we got to his chemo appointment, he was too weak to even walk. When he arrived for his chemo appointment, he was already in a wheelchair. The Dr said that it was too late and left the room to call hospice. I wasn't there for this appointment, but I had arrived in town that day. (I was doing 3 days at home and 3 days in his town pretty much) His mother gave me the news. I went over to my dad's house and I crawled in his bed. And I promised him that I was in it for the long haul. And that I wouldn't leave until it was over. For the first few days after that, he was pretty normal, then suddenly he changed. I saw him exhibiting the signs of a dying person (picking at his sheets, not really being in 'reality'.) It was all downhill after that. His mother and I were doing 12 hour shifts to give him his medications to keep him comfortable. And I got scared. I saw him dying. I promised him that I wouldn't leave him until it was over, but I had to. I left him on a Wednesday. My aunt called on Friday and told me that things had changed and to come ASAP to say goodbye. When I got there I was so afraid at what I saw. He was in a hospital bed (at home), wearing nothing but a diaper, and gripping the bed rail. I laid down next to him and told him how much he meant to me. But I was still so scared. I spent 20 minutes with him and I left the room and told my boyfriend to take me home now. I was done. I was so scared to see him die that I left him. He died on father's day. I feel extremely guilty for leaving him. I’d just like to know if it's normal for someone to flee right before a loved one dies. I promised him, but I just couldn't do it. Thank you.

My father almost a year ago. It was an unexpected death, he was only 55 yrs old. He had a rare lung disease and was often in the hospital with pneumonia. He died because they didn't know he had a blood clot, and when they sat him up for a breathing treatment, the clot broke off and went straight to his heart. I was in nursing school at the time, I was in my 1st semester. He died on a Monday. I somehow managed to get the money together to have him cremated, arrange a memorial service, AND be back in school on Thursday to take my finals on Friday. I have no clue how I did it but during this time, I knew that I needed to stay focused, as I know that my Dad would have wanted me to keep going so that I could keep my grades up. He was so proud of me for going back to school. My question is this: “Next month it will be one year since he died. I am having issues with this because I still struggle with the fact that he is gone. IN two months,  I will walk across the stage to get my nursing diploma. I think this is going to be SO hard because my Dad wanted to be there to watch me graduate, but he didn't make it. How do I get through this in a positive way?”

My mom was 92 years old when she died. She had lived a long life. I can deal with that and being a good Catholic person I know she is in Heaven. But what I can't deal with is the way the nursing home facility treated her. I feel awful that I let them get by with what they did to her. They were very mean to her.

I can't ask this question without sobbing. We (my husband and I) lost our son in May, two weeks before school was out, in a drowning incident. He was seventeen. He had passed his Grad Exams, made A/B honor roll, kept his room clean; he was the ideal child.

I have many questions about what to do next, but the main one right now is concerning my other four children. My sixteen and thirteen year old girls can't seem to relate to me casually talking about him as though he was still here. They look at me as if I were crazy. They act as though I should talk about him in the past tense. So, they don't talk about him at all.

But at the same time they don't want me to change anything in his room or let the next oldest boy move into his room. How do I communicate my feelings about him and the need to talk about him to them, and get them to do the same?

Why, after my mom died, have I not dreamed of her? I just want to see her one more time !!

I lost my mother in April of this year. But I didn't find out until September. Her husband took her away from her family about 7 years ago. We didn't know where she was. He didn't notify any family members when she died. I'm having a hard time trying to find closure to this.

We had a memorial service for her and visited her grave-site, but it just seems to get harder every day. The only peace that I can find now is that I know she is in heaven and he is out of her life.

He buried her in a military cemetery in a different town then where she had died because it was free, even though she had a burial site close to her children.

I just need to find some type of closure for me and my siblings.

The ex-wife of a close friend of mine died away last week. He told me just before she died that he still loved her and was having regrets over their failed relationship. He just returned from the out-of-state funeral and I expect he will be calling me in the near future. We are just good friends who enjoy our weekly teas and our discussions about History. My question is this: when he does call what should I say? Should I mention the situation or just ignore it? I'm at a loss for words. I definitely am resolved not to call him because I don't know his state of mind at this time, Before he left, he was very upset.

Came home from Denver to care-give for both parents in 2010. Dad died last year of Alzhiemer's in a rest home. I took care of Mom, who had many health issues, until she died last week. I have no regrets giving up my life in Denver to come home for two years. Mom died last week at Mayo Clinic of an diverticuli abscess the doctors missed. They tried to save her at Mayo but couldn't. I'm so heartbroken, sad, angry at what happened. She didn't need to die and I want to sue the Wisconsin doctors for their screw-up. Her death hasn't really hit me yet. Still trying to get over Dad's death. To lose both parents in one year is hard, and yet now I face going back to start my life and future again and I am so afraid and scared after care-giving for two years with my life on hold. What can I do to help myself with discerning all this? A trip to Disneyland? A cruise? I don't want to make a rash decision, but need time. House needs to be sold, etc.

My mom died in April of this year. I'm still having a very hard time with her death. I've been told to think only of the happy times. Well, when I think of the happy times, I just get sad again. Nothing seems to help. It seems that everyone else has been able to deal with this. What are some things that I can do to help myself get over this?

My husband and I just had to put down our 19 year old Maltese, Humphrey. I am so heartbroken that I feel as if someone has taken my best friend. I cannot stop crying. I don't know what to do, I feel lonely, abandoned and scared. I asked God, why do you teach us to love, if in the end you only take it away?

My great-grandpa died in June. I was close to him and I miss him. I still cry every time  I think about him. Is that normal?

We lost our 22 yr old son a year and a half ago, It's been a devastating time for all of us, but my husband has closed himself off from us. He never comes out of the bedroom and seems to be so angry with everything that it's hard to even live with him. Is this normal and will he ever snap out of this? We have other kids and they need him to be a part of their lives too.

Two days ago my boyfriend took his own life. His children blame me. They will not let me attend the service or anything. I don’t know how to have closure. Can you help me?

When my father died, I didn't find out until 2 months later. My stepmother said that she couldn't find our (my sister and me) address information. I can't help but feel like we were robbed. We didn't get to see him one last time before he died. We didn't get to go to the funeral. Now I've lost contact with my stepmother and 2 brothers and cant seem to get in touch with them again. I can't help but feel that my sister and I have been "written off". It has been 2 years since our father died. Shouldn't I be over this by now?

I never had a person die close to me until 2005 when my ex overdosed at age 28. Then three people in 2006, including my mother, who died the day I scheduled a flight to introduce her to her new granddaughter. that was followed by the suicide of a close friend; cancer of a schoolmate; and then my father was sick for several months and died in 2011. I feel so numb and distant—antisocial is an understatement. I frequent cemeteries and sit at graves of old friends. I read obituaries daily. I don’t want to talk to anyone about this. I just don’t feel like they are "with me." Now my sisters are finally falling apart and not only can I not help myself, I can’t possibly help them either. I have a religious upbringing that believes there is no afterlife, so I am really lost on many levels.

My heart aches. I just found out a friend that I dated, died 5 months ago. After breaking up we talked. I talked to him before he died, but he never gave me any indication that he was sick or moving out of town. When I called the number it was disconnected. My sister found his name on the internet. I feel so hurt I did not get a chance to say goodbye, or pay my respects. I cry everyday. How do I heal from this?

My mema passed away about 2 years ago and life completely changed for me. I lost her when I was sixteen years old and never really got along with any of my other family members. For example, if I'd get in a fight with my mom, my mema would be there for me. She died really suddenly and I'm still consumed with grief. I feel like there's no point in the future because I planned my ENTIRE future around her. There are so many moments that I wonder why I have to be all by myself. My grandpa, her husband, is still alive although I find myself pulling away from not only him, but the family as a whole. I was just wondering, is life ever going to pan out and I'll be able to go on knowing it's okay that she died and I'm alone? I mean it's going to be a long time from now that I may see her again, but in the meantime, 16 and 69 is quite a difference in age.

My Mama died in early January, 2011. I've had uncontrollable crying spells for fifteen to twenty minutes on dates, at work, and just watching TV, among other public places. Why, just out the blue, does this constantly happen? Is it normal to feel you failed after a parent passes—that you couldn’t do more?

I am a Christian, but have lost a lot it seems. I'm not sure what to do anymore. After 15 years of marriage, my husband committed suicide. That was 12 years ago and I never re-married. My dad  died some time ago and my mom in 2007. Now, my best friend, two weeks ago. I have two wonderful daughters. I’m only 48 but I feel very lost. I work hard and try staying busy, but at the end of the day, mostly cry my self to sleep. I feel tired of hurting and not sure—besides praying every few minutes—how to find happiness.

Hello, My name is Michael. I lost my partner, who was also my best friend and the love of my life, on May 20, 2009. It is over two years and I am still paralyzed. We were together for 16 years. I don't go out of the house except to get the mail and then I am back in my bedroom staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what is wrong with me after this amount of time. I am lonely without him. He was sick for quite some time before he died and I was at his side and never left him for more than 5 minutes at a time. I am also a Registered Nurse and was able to attend to every need he had, but I was still not ready for him to leave me. We were supposed to grow old together. He woke up the morning that he died and told me that while he was asleep, God told him to "wake up and tell Michael that you love him."  So he did. I made him comfortable and he went back to sleep and was gone within 45 minutes. All my bases were covered and I did everything I could for him. Why should it take me so long to recover from this? I have to keep living and telling myself that he died, I didn't. I feel so empty and alone. Thank you for being there for me to open up and express my feelings  Everyone else thinks I should be further along than I am. At the end of the day, I do thank God for the time we had and the treasure of experiencing unconditional love. Some people never get to have that and I know that I am blessed. But it's still very dark and lonely without him at my side.

I lost my 14-year old daughter 25 years ago. It was a long hard struggle but I'm okay now. My grief was so strong that I don't remember how I moved on. A friend just lost their only child, a boy 19, in a tragic car accident. I want to reach out to them but am not certain the best way to do this. I know what I feel and believe today is a whole spectrum from what I felt then. I don't know how to help them because I wasn't feeling then. I know they are in deep despair and grief and I want to help them. I especially don't want their marriage to disintegrate. Both are such nice people. Please guide me so that I may help them. Thank you.

My mother died 6 months ago and I just don't feel like I will ever be able to move past this. This pain is so great. I am angry because she shut down before she passed away and blocked me out. We had a great relationship full of love. I just wanted her to say something. I no longer felt like her daughter. Was this her way of transitioning? Why am I so angry?

I lost my partner of 24 years to cancer in July of 2007 after a year of being diagnosed and 2 months after my dad died of kidney cancer out of nowhere. I still cannot get over the death. I work and come home. I feel more alone now then ever. I am lost.

In early 2007, I lost my dad to cancer. Then in June of that year I lost my 44 year-old brother, also to cancer. My mother died of brain cancer in 2009. I watched my mother take her last breath. Things were happening too fast for me. I really didn't know what to do or why was all this happening to me so close together. Someone said the hurt will go away but you will never forget. I need to ask you, will the hurt go away, because it still hurts today just like it was when they die? I used to be active but since mom and dad and my brother died, it seems like life isn't the same anymore. I just stay home don't go anywhere. I miss them so bad.

A guy I fell in love with died in February, 2010. Why do I still cry over him?

I lost both of my parents one day apart. It's been over a year. I suffered major losses two years before the loss of my parents. Now I can find nothing but loss and death in my thoughts. How can I come back to the living? I can't stop that inner dialogue.

How does one reconcile an an overdose of a child (27) that was unintentional?

My mom died on the night of Christmas, in 2009. Friends and family tell me it will get better, but each day it seems as if the feelings I felt that night are still here. What do I do? The pain of losing her was the worst Ive felt. How do I help that pain reduce, or in a sense go away, but not the memory of her?

My boyfriend died two years ago and I haven't been able to move on. I'm still lost as to what I should do to help myself, but not forget about him. I spent everyday together with him and now that I don't have him, I feel lost. I've tried dating other people, and I'm going to counseling, but I cant stop crying. What should I do? Please help!

Since my husband died, I haven't felt like I can handle things like I used to. I feel very fragile and feel like if I'm faced with difficulty, I will crumble.

My father died in October, 2010. I'm still having trouble facing the fact that he's gone. I will be graduating from high school this year, in 2012. Is it normal to feel like I need him to be there, or is that being selfish?

My mother died two years ago. Some people in my life think everything is fine and that I just sadden myself. But to me, those are just the opinions of people who still have a living mother. I sit and cry because I miss mama so much. She was always there for me, no matter what. How do I recover? Do I really sadden myself? They say time heals but how much time?

When is it too soon to start a relationship after the death of your spouse?

I’ve never been truly angry with my dad, but since his death in December, I’m very mad at him. I can’t believe that he left me. How can I be so angry with a man who was so wonderful when he was here? I just feel like I go through all the stages of death in one day and other times it takes weeks. Will I ever level out?

My mother died a year and a half ago. I grieved her when she died and think about her often still. Lately though, her death has been weighing on me like it did when she first died. I dream of her and try to talk to her but I seem to be awakened just when I start to say something important to her. I know I have some unresolved feelings, as we had a somewhat tumultuous relationship. But I can't seem to talk to her when I'm awake. I just can't get myself to do it. Why is that? And why did this creep up on me so long after she died? Thank you in advance for your time.

Does the grief of losing a parent and family you never met ever go away? My father was killed in Vietnam while my mother was pregnant. I never met the family. Now as I look for family members, I'm finding they've all died at young ages. I cry often. I do not know my own family. No pictures, no memories, no family left to find, maybe cousins but...

Can you tell me a little more specifically about the issues children face? I work with children who have been taken in to Care and then adopted. So, in my terms, it's a 'necessary grief' as they have had a loss imposed on them in order to save their lives. Your perspective on additional things I might do, especially when so many of the children I work with don't have the level of insight to approach this analytically. Looking forward to your reply with interest.

My daughter was killed last year in an auto accident. She was driving on pain medicine, passed a red light and wore no seat belt. She was very difficult to deal with since she was a child. I now have her three year old son, work full time. Part of me is glad she is not suffering with life. However her son has no mother. I have mixed emotions as how can I function to meet what he needs. How can I be happy and sad at the same time? No one else can understand my position. Counseling has not helped me. I feel he just needs to go live with someone else. I do love him but I'm exhausted.

You talk of grief "recovery" but there is NO recovery from the death of a child. My son died September 4, 2009 I will never "recover" because who I was before his death has disappeared and gone vanished and this other woman is left behind so if I have morphed into another person how can I recover? I am this person now forever a bereaved mother lost in a world of intact families. Perhaps I can learn to live along side this fact that my son is dead but recover? No never.

My Mom died about a month ago. She was my best friend and I miss her horribly. I seem to be dealing with it. I cry in the middle of the night sometimes, but I'm able to go on with my daily life. I'm worried about my Dad however. They were married 60 years and he's lost without her. He seems to go on with the daily mechanics of life, eating, bathing etc., but he's just a shell of himself and is starting to pull away from me and my children. If he comes over he doesn't stay long and if we go over there it's like he wants to rush us out. I've asked him about going to grief therapy but he refuses. He says he has to do it by himself. I'm afraid he will just retreat into himself and not want anyone around. He's just so sad and broken. What can I do to help him?

I have never asked anyone about this, let alone told anyone how I feel about it. I had a friend die a year ago. We both liked each other but I always end relationships, so we never dated and one day he died, suddenly. It feels like I’m nothing anymore. Every time I date someone I always think of him. I can't tell if I was in love with him, because we never dated, but he was my best friend. I loved talking to him and told him everything. How do I fix myself? How do I not hate every minute I breathe?

My mother died two years ago. I discovered her body, but I didn't cry until about a week later when it really hit me. We were never close, like a mother and daughter should be, but I did love her. I miss her more and more everyday and the hurt never seems to ease. Why?

My ex-husband committed suicide six months ago. We have a 5 year old daughter together. We'd remained friends for her sake and ours as well. He was going through a hard time with recent losses, a job and another divorce. He'd call me and we'd talk. He had a "break down" and received treatment. Unfortunately, between the therapy and medication it wasn't enough. I deal with this guilt that if he had called me that night I could have helped him. I had a feeling a couple of days prior that he may do this because of events that had happened years ago. But after we talked days before I thought he was alright. The night it happened my heart broke from the years of friendship we had,our child we had together, and or his family and for our daughter who will miss her father. I have sought therapy in the past, but I get frustrated that the therapist can't understand how I feel. Sometimes I still feel in shock. I think that the phone will ring and it will be him. Then reality sets in and I can visualize in my mind how sad and depressed he must have been by himself at that time. If only one person could have reached him at that time he would be here now. How do I know that although my daughter appears happy and well adjusted this wont negatively impact her in the future? What impact will this have on her? We talk about him often and she asks to visit the grave. She doesn't appear scared in any way and will tell people about her dad and how he is in Heaven. Like any mother feels, she is the center of my world and I love her beyond words. I want to do the best for her. Thank you for any words of advice.

Is there unresolved, delayed, complicated grief of someone that was lost to you many years ago? We really never said good-bye prior to his death. Thank you for  addressing this question that has haunted me for a long time.

My ex-husband died recently at age 38. We have two little girls together. They are 9 and 5 years old. My 9 yer old has started wetting her pants at least once day. I've been told that it could be a sign of grief but I don't know. What should I do about it?

My mom died three months ago. We lived upstairs from her, and I was her health care proxy and did so much with her and for her. I was at the hospital two and three 3 times a day. One thing I remember is her asking me if I was giving up on her because I was late getting to the rehab to see her one time. I told her I'd never give up on her. There's much more, but it's a long story. Also, now that she's died, my family has decided to clean out and sell her condo, and they've gotten rid of all her possessions. My husband, my 14year-old son, and I are still living in the condo, wo when it sells, we'll have to find a place to live. I'm suffering a lot from this and am depressed. I don't know how to deal with it all. My family's not speaking to me, and honestly I don't know why. I'm having a hard time with the house being up for sale. I needed more time. How can I start feeling better? I miss my Mom so, so very much.

I have written to you gentlemen when my dad died in 2010. I would like to know your opinion on whether or not my mom, who now lives alone, should stay in her home where my mom and dad lived, or would it be better for her to move? My dad died in their home; we (the family) were all there. We have a hard time when we go into the room, as it brings all the sadness back. Do the memories of my dad in the house make it harder for my mom? I miss my dad so much, I still cry every day for him. I don't show my mom my sadness, as I don't want her to feel sad. I take her to the cemetery every Saturday, I want to visit my dad, but it makes me so sad when I do go, but I can't not go. My parents would have been married 60 years in October. My dad hoped he would make it to their anniversary, but he died two weeks before. I had started to read The Grief Recovery Handbook, but I need to read more of it. I'm thankful for your advice and that's there's a book that will help me and others in dealing with grief. One thing I know for sure though is, that I will never be as happy as I once was when I had my dad, I love him so much—the void in my heart is tremendous.

I buried my only child four years ago. He was in his early 20's. I feel so alone and cry for him every single day. I'm married and love my husband very much. He's the reason I did not take my own life. I find this world a mean and ugly place without my son in it. I will never have grandchildren or a daughter in law. I am a Buddhist and have no belief in god to fall back on. I believe that my son awaits me and I am wasting my unwanted life here. I have tried grief counseling and can find no solution in this life. Can you tell me if I will ever start to feel good again or take a interest in anything in this life?

I’m writing to you today because I lost my fiancé of six years, two years ago. I feel like my entire life has been a struggle. I had an abusive husband and many other difficult things. I met my fiancé just after my father died. Because of that, I bonded with him quickly, since that was a hard time for me. We spent every day together, at work, at home, everywhere. Very soon thereafter, we bought a house and farm and moved in together. I worried about him all the time because I knew that the combined stresses of work and keeping up the farm were getting to him. He left one night to close a gate on the back of the farm and did not return. I went to bed thinking he would come to bed when he got back. I woke up around three in the morning to see he wasn't home. I went toward the back of our farm to try to look for him and found him dead in his truck. His death was ruled a suicide, which I feel in my heart may be true, but it almost looked like an accident from the way it happened. It’s been two years and I am in therapy and on medication and it doesn't seem to help the roller coaster of emotions. I have never been content with anything since this happened and don't know if I can ever move forward or not be afraid to love again. I have a boyfriend who is a wonderful man, but every time he gets close, I push him away. Please help me. The only contentment I really have ever had was my life with my kids and Robert. Nothing feels normal now. Thanks for you help.

When will I be able to look at my mom's picture again without crying and falling totally apart? I'm able to face most days without issue, but now I'm also dealing with surgical menopause and cry almost non-stop about all things; especially about missing my mom. I really need help with my feelings and getting a true understanding of what I'm going through and what is normal and expected when a parent dies.

I know they say time heals all wounds but I'm really struggling here. I lost my father eleven months ago and I find my self really struggling day to day. My emotions are all over the place. I was seven months pregnant with my son when my father died, and I'm angry that he will never meet him. I cry at the strangest times. What can I do to help myself move on so I can be a happy wife and mother?

I just found out my ex husband died. I've had a feeling for a long time he had passed. I decided to look and was still very much shocked to find his name in the obituaries. He was 31. I stayed with him for a long time since I knew if I left him he would die. He was an alcoholic and I believe bi-polar. I feel guilty about his passing, like I could have done more. I'm having a lot of regrets about the way I treated him after our divorce. We got divorced the first time he tried to choke me. He didn't want me to move on and kept harassing me. But at this moment all I can remember are the good times. I have so many feelings going thru me. Please help

I have experienced so much loss in the last five years. I lost my mother,and three brothers. This past March, I lost the brother who was so near to my heart. He suffered from cancer. I brought him to my home to care for him. Eventually, hospice helped. I held his hand until he took his last breath. I hurt everyday and I feel like I can't take losing another person in my life. I have no social life, it's not important to me. I go to work and come home. I prefer not to be with non-family members. I don't know how to get over the loss and live again.

I watched cancer take my brother nine months ago at the young age of 45. It hit without warning and three months later he was gone. I was with him through it all and was with him when he took his last breath. I still cry every time I think of him. Could I have PTSD? It just doesn't seem like he can really be gone. I am not the same person I was.How can I work through this?

My father died when I was just under five years of age. I am now 61 years old. I have had a recurring dream all of my life in which I am running towards my dad,(as I remember him), as he calls to me, but when I am almost to him the ground gives way and I begin a free fall and then awaken. When I awake I feel like crying and it is usually very hard for me to get back to sleep. I have this dream 4-6 times per year and usually when I am stressed about something. Is this unusual? Is it unresolved grief? I find it hard to talk about this to anyone I know.

My great aunt just died, and I heard about it when I was trying to go to sleep. Needless to say, I couldn't get to sleep. I feel like I didn't see her enough, but she lived far away so we never had the money to go see her. I feel horrible for not seeing her that much. What should I do?

Is two years long enough to grieve for your spouse? Before he died, my husband said I should find someone to take care of me. He did not give me a time frame. I just wanted him to get better. Don't know anyone or what to do. Got any ideas?

I wasn't raised with my mom, but I did get to spend some time with her after I got out of foster homes. I still feel like there is something missing in my heart.. I still feel like there is something missing in my heart. I know she is in a better place now, but I feel like a part of me should have done something before she left.*confused*

My parents died two years ago, three and a half months apart from different scenarios. I had just turned 22 at that time. How do I deal with losing them when there was still so much unsaid? How do I begin to let go?

In 2010, I lost my 2 year old grandson to an accidental gunshot. He and I were very very close. We had a strong bond. To this day, it still feels as if it just happened. I wake up in the middle of the night and it will be my first thought. Usually at night right before bedtime, I sometimes feel 'waves' of despair or depression. I can look at his picture and break down. We buried him along side my mother and father. I have not been to the cemetery yet, even after all this time.. Sometimes I feel very guilty about that, but my fear is that I will hurt much much worse if I go. There have been people who tell me he is in a better place, others who say I will never get 'over' it, that in time it will just get easier. For me, it doesn't seem to be going in that direction. Will I ever feel happiness again?

I cry every day. It's been over a year and a half since my wife died. I don't want to face the Holidays again this year. What can I do to try to ease this?

I'm only 17 and I'm not sure how this works, if someone who actually cares is reading this or not. But, here we go. I know there are stages of grief, and in truth I don't know what "stage" I'm in (If there really are stages of grief anyway). I'm not an open person and most of my friends don't even know about my dad's death last year. I'm thinking I might need to talk to someone because it might help me turn my life back around for the good. But I don't know if it will actually help or not. I don't think I will ever feel normal again. I watched my father die and I was the second-to-last person to talk to him. He won't see me graduate, get married or have kids. I feel trapped because I don't want to talk to my brothers or mother or friends about it.

I lost my partner of 31 years six months ago. She died from cervical cancer caused from HPV.

She was unfaithful to me nineteen years ago. She had an affair with a co-worker. She told me that she never slept with him, but I know for a fact she did. She did it when she went out with her best friend.

Well the guy she was with wrote a poem on her obituary. Since he did that my life has fallen apart. I contacted him to try and get the truth, but he lies to me. Her best friend knows also but she says she can’t remember, and that is a lie also. I have always been the type of guy that needs to know the truth. I stuffed all this down deep inside myself 19 years ago. When he posted on her obituary it brought up all these bad memories and bad feeling.

I feel like I can't cope with all of this. My partner would have told me the truth if I would have asked her, but she was too sick to ask. I feel like I need them to tell me the truth as I don't want my partner to have gone to her grave with this secret, even though I know it to be fact. Any help you may give me might help

My mom died Dec. 2010. This is the first Mother's Day that I don't have her. Why is it so hard and painful for me? I have no other family, she was all I had, though our relationship could best be described as dysfunctional.

Last year my best friend, along with another friend, were walking down the road when another former classmate was driving. The driver crossed into the opposite lane into the shoulder of the road where they were walking, hitting and killing them both. My best friend was 15, a month away from 16, and my other friend was 18, the same age as the driver.

I haven't been the same since. I'm 16 right now, 15 at the time of the accident. I find myself losing much ambition for life and I never seem to be happy. My best friend is always on my mind. When I said I'm losing ambition for life I don't mean I'm suicidal, I just don't get out of the house as much anymore and I lose interest to hang out with other friends.

My question is, how to end this constant depression, or at least just ease the pain? I know my best friend would want me to enjoy life, as I did with him. It's just so difficult. I feel awful that I do that. I'm still very close with his family, and I've gotten much closer with my other friend's family.

I spend a lot of time up at the cemetery, where they are buried side by side. Is it good to go there so often? When I visit them I do seem to be in a better mood. Is it common to feel like if you move on that you're letting go of them? How, if possible, do I change that feeling? What about forgiving the driver? I haven't done that, nor do I think I will.

If you could give me some answers to my questions it would mean a lot. I may even look into your book. At school people ask me if I'm alright because I just look sad, even though I try to pretend I'm ok. I can tell my parents are also concerned with me. I just want to live happier because I know that's what my friends and family would want.

I just want to say thank you.

I found "The Grief Recovery Handbook" very helpful. After losing my husband to cancer I became very sad and reached out to my healthcare provider for support. They asked if I thought I might be depressed. I said yes, who wouldn't be after losing their life-long partner?. They setup an appointment for me with a psychiatrist who was anxious to put me on anti-depressants and "treat my illness". I took them for 6 months but they didn't really help me do anything but sleep so I stopped taking them but, I was feeling worse instead of better.

I called back & requested counseling but was told drugs would be more effective in "curing me". I more or less gave up on them at that point. That's when I found your book online and ordered it. What I found most helpful about the book is that it clarified in writing what I knew to be true in my heart: That grief is not so much a disease to be cured, as it is a natural reaction to loss, and the goal should be reconciliation and completion, not avoidance.

I want to thank you for lessening the guilt and stigma surrounding grief so I could begin to heal in a very real sense, by accepting that my feelings were normal and to be expected. Everyone seems to just want us to "get over" it. I think I know by now that one doesn't really "get over" losing a loved one. They just learn to incorporate the loss into their life. Although they are gone, our feelings for them remain and must be sorted. It's more about forming a new relationship with them from afar than it is about forgetting. One never really forgets.

Your book was a validation of this for me. It helped me a lot. Thank you :)

Dear sirs, I lost lost my husband of 7 years to cancer on March 22, 2011. I’m 50 and he was 59. I did not believe I would ever be a widow at 50. I was divorced 17 years before we met. Will the pain ever go away? How do I move on? I’m usually a strong person but I just don't seem to get out of this emotional mode.

My husband died 6 weeks ago after an illness of 2 months (cancer) at the age of 59. I am trying to figure out what to do with myself, to get me away from myself and absorbed in helping others who may or may not be in a similar circumstance, but are having some very trying times.

Grief comes in many forms. My constant absorption with myself and my feelings of sadness have become very tiresome and depressing. I am an artist and financially independent. Any ideas at this point would be appreciated. Thank you.

I lost my Grandfather this February. I’m grieving really bad. My Grandfather and I were very close. I don’t know what to do now that he is gone. Will life ever be the normal again? He died from cancer. I was at the hospital with him everyday. I missed school a lot, but I didn’t care. My grandpa was more important. How do I deal with this pain?

My Mom passed away Oct. 2010. It was 6 months the other day. She was such a strong woman who had C.O.P.D and struggled with it till the day she left us! She was in the hospital it seemed like every couple of months. She was in the hospital for the last time with lung complications.{just didn't know it} She was in there for 4 days this time, came home and woke up during the night tried to give herself a breathing treatment and something went wrong. She also had sleep apnea and was on oxygen, So yes, a I knew her days were numbered. She either passed out or had a heart attack. She also hit her head and had a pretty big cut on her forehead. My sister and I were always there for her! My mom lived with a long-time companion so she was hardly ever alone. Our father died when she was only 42, so she became mom and dad to us. My question is how do I forgive myself for not going to her house that night? I was going there the next morning to spend some time with her and make sure her meds were set up she always had new ones after being released from the hospital on top of the old ones. I was with her the day before she came home and my sister brought her home and made sure she got her new meds. Made sure she was comfortable before she left. My sister called me when she was leaving and said our mom was acting a little spacey she asked her, “Mom you sure you’re ok?” And her answer was always the same, “I'm fine don't worry.” So I called her and she told me the same thing that she was just tired. Well that was the last time I spoke to her and now I’m in a terrible place. Right now all I do is cry. I know it’s no one’s fault she died even though she had been home less than 15 hours. I thought we would know for sure what happened but nothing was ordered since she had medical problems they put down on her D.C that it was C.O.P.D. So I will never know if she suffered or laid there till she died and I can't forgive myself! I have also died on the inside I'm still here but not alive. So as you see I don’t now how to go on, I'm so consumed with guilt. Thank You for listening.

What do you say to a mother who lost her 17 year old daughter to suicide?

Will I get over of losing my ex, friend, grandma and grandpa and if I do, how will I feel? How can I tell them I love them when they are not here? Why do I blame myself for my grandma's death?

I keep asking myself why me? My son in November, my dad in January, and now, my oldest daughter. Everyone wants to know why I’m so weepy. I have one daughter left [and three grandchildren] and I panic if I don’t hear from her a couple of times a day. I need peace. Apparently I’m a beast they think should be heavily medicated, but my mind overrules that. Thanks for listening.

How do you try to get past what the person you loved did to end their life?

How do people go on with their life after losing a daughter? She died in 2000. Now my only other daughter is following in her footsteps. Drugs overpower a Mothers Love!

I would just like to know why some family members disassociate themselves from another family member after a death?

Will I ever realize that he is gone?

The man I lived with for 20 years died suddenly and unexpectedly. We were apart at the most 3 weeks in that time. I cannot process the kind of pain and deep loss I am feeling. To complicate matters, he was an obsessive controller. He shopped, did laundry, I was not even allowed to get the mail or see a bill. It has been 6 months and I am not able to function. I lie to my friends and say I paid my bills, and my mail box is full. I'm not lazy. I try, but there is this invisible source that stops me. Will this ever go away?

My father died in March, 2011. The last 4 weeks of his life I took off work to take care of him. I was in charge of his living will. I had to make choices for him when he couldn't. Now I live with the "WHAT IFS." There were two choices,and that's all I think about, and im not sure how to go on.

My Daddy died a year ago. Ever since, it's been grief day to day. A few weeks after Daddy, one of my Uncles passed an then the year of Daddy's passing another Uncle and it was only two minutes difference.. A lot has happened since Daddy passed. I am so close to my parents that I feel I've lost a part of me when Daddy passed. I worry about my Mom making sure she's okay and if she eating an having someone to talk to, but it's so hard trying to talk to her while I'm going through my grief too. I feel selfish and don't know how to feel or say. I don't like life anymore and don't want to anything really. I feel forced into a lot. Is this normal? People say in time the pain gets lighter, but so far it has gotten worse.

Will I ever stop being angry at God? I used to have faith. I still believe in God. I just don't like him and don't think I ever will again. I think I also have PTSD because of watching my son die and how he died was traumatic. I have been to a few counselors but none seem to get it! What now?

I’ve read "The Grief Recovery Handbook" and taken some of the actions it suggests. But that hasn’t change the fact that I still miss my son. Everyday is just another day without him. The loss always comes to me in waves, an ebb and flow.

How do I deal with the fact that my sister waited to let me know that my niece had died two weeks ago and they had the funeral the week before. I didn't get to say good-bye.

Hi, I was wondering if you could help me. My brother died 8-13-2010. He was 33, I am 32. We were real close. He still lived at home with my mom. He died there with her from a drug overdose. We're having a hard time dealing with this, but my mother's not doing well at all. I don’t know if it's possible to grieve yourself to death, but if it is, she’s well on her way. I was wondering if you  had any advice or could help in anyway. Thank you and hope to be hearing from you soon. Thanks again.

My husband died in 2007. I still can't sleep in the bed.

My son was 33 when he died unexpectedly in 2006. Many people tell me I shouldn't be so emotional after 5 years, when I talk about him. Also, his brother and father do not talk about him because it makes me emotional. I tell them they just need to give me a box of tissues. We've never had a talk about him as a family since his death. Is this unusual?

My mom died in September, 2010, and it feels like it was yesterday. When will my hurting stop? I go in her room and can’t help to get in her bed and cry. I miss her so much. I wish she was still here. I don’t want anybody to move or get her stuff. I get very upset and hurt. Is this normal?

My husband of 20 years died unexpectedly 10 weeks ago today. He was only 45, the love of my life and my best friend. He was due to be released from the hospital and something happened. There was an inaccurate reading of his tests and his fatal condition was overlooked and he died the next day. It's difficult enough just losing him. Me and our son are having a terrible time coping with the loss and the anger from this "mistake" that led to his death. What do we do to get past the anger? We grieve and then we're hurt and angry... it's an emotional roller coaster. Why do I still feel in the back of my mind that I can have someone "fix it"? To call it an error or mistake is offensive to me. You can fix errors and mistakes usually. I'm an adult and can't filter all these emotions, so I'm extremely worried about my 14 year old son.

My friend was hit and killed on the night of April 9, 2011. Will the pain ever ease a little? She is all I can think of. It will probably affect my grades. Is there any way to help ease the pain?

What is the best way for me to support my daughter-in-law as she grieves over the sudden death of her father?

  I lost my dad when I was two. I’m 19 now. Is it normal not to be over the fact the he's gone?

My grandfather was like my father. I basically had to watch him die in front of my eyes in the hospital in less than 2 hours. It happened so fast I still cry every other day, and I feel it happened so fast that it's hard to find closure. How do I find closure and find a way to take this as a step to get stronger?

My 40 year old son was recently divorced, not his doing and now he has lost his father. He seems to be shutting down and bottling up his grief. He lives in another state. What can I as his mom say that will help him. His dad and I were divorced. Thank you.

I avoided visiting my parents for many years because my father was so abusive to my mother and I could not bear the pain I saw him cause her. She died in 1998. I still feel so very guilty that I did not break through that anger that kept me away and travel to be with her each year. She was so very forgiving that this generous, forgiving heart of hers is the only thing that keeps me from suffering . She forgives me I know. It has been so many years now. Does the grief ever stop?

On April 27^th, 2010, my 19-year-old brother passed away in a car accident. I am 24 and have a two year old son. I feel as though I lost my brother and my mother on the same day. Although we lost the same person, our grief is no where near the same. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child, but my mother's grieving is the same today as it was on that day.

With the one year mark approaching, I am wondering what i can do to encourage her to grieve in a more healthy way. She insists on calling my son by the nickname she had for my brother, something she did not do before his death. I want to protect my son from expectations he cannot possibly achieve, but also support my mother's grieving process. She is still blaming anything and anyone for his death and talks about him at the most inappropriate times. I am not afraid to talk about him, nor do I avoid doing so. But she brings up memories that are completely unrelated to the topic at hand quite frequently. How can I help her?

Dear J &R, I lost my dad April 10th so it's been a little less than a year. We were so so close. My dad was only 53 when he died suddenly. My dad was always afraid he would die young because his dad died when he was 53, so now I have this same thought as he did. I'm just like him and I'm afraid that I too will die at 53! I'm only 30 but can't help think that I also will be a diabetic and have a blood clot as my dad and his father did.

How can I get past the thought that I only have 23 years left, I know that know one knows the future but how do I get past these feelings? My other question is I am still angry and upset that I was not at the hospital when it happened I got the phone call at 3 am. I can't get past that I was not with him by his side every night. I have the same bad dream of running to the elevator at the hospital beating on the buttons till the doors open and running down the hall to his room! Not one night since his death have I slept without having this dream. I'm sure you can understand how this can affect every part of me and the day. Please help!!

Good Morning John & Russell,

I am a devoted Christian Woman and I have just barely begun (3 weeks), a relationship with a Sweet, Beautiful Christian man and within the last three weeks his Mother returned to the hospital with the return of cancer throughout her body. After five days of being in the hospital in ICU she lost her life and returned Home to be with the Lord in Heaven.

During the time this man's Mother was in the hospital and since I have let him know through Bible Scripture and brief personal sentiments, that I am deeply sorry for his great loss and that I am praying for him and his family via email, texting and phone conversations.

Question: Is it appropriate to mail a sympathy card to him? What else can I do to be supportive to him during this time? I too, know what it is like to lose a parent, I lost my Wonderful Father almost six years ago? I appreciate your answers and feedback to my questions. You see, I feel maybe this could be the man I have been praying to the Lord for to come into my life and be a future mate.

My wife Adelle went to heaven on 25 Mar 2010. We were married for 25 years. She suffered terribly with ALS for 8 years she was only 50 years old! I am so very sad and lonely without her—all I think about is being with her. I really don't want to live—but, we have one son who is 21 and he needs me. I absolutely hate living without the love of my life. My life is awful! I am very accustomed to loss. Both parents died when I was young, and I lost many friends in Vietnam combat. Adelle was my life!!! Question: Will this sickening, awful feeling ever improve?

During the course of 2008 and 2009 my husband and myself were tragically going through differing issues. I was experiencing Liver Failure and had to have surgery, he was loosing his job as a HS Teacher, thus we were loosing our home, cars and everything imaginable. He wanted to continue work rather then stay as he would never get a teaching job again there because of the economy and his age. So we moved to VA and 5 weeks later he disappears. I was able to track him down as I received an on slough of insurance papers in the mail 7 weeks after he left. He had ALL Leukemia with extensive involvement in the brain. What symptoms I took for depression and grief for so many other things was actually in part symptoms we never even thought of. I can not get him to come home as he returned to his parents in California (56 YO). They are foreign nationals and clannish like Italians and Irish. They believe I did some horrid thing, too long to mention thus am an enemy. They have cut me out, but there is so much they don't know about him or his illness. Needless to say, it has been 18 months and he has lived longer then the norm of 11 months. NO ONE makes it past 2 years with his illness so their is not any hope of recovery. I feel so violated and cheated that I can not spend the last few months with my husband of 15 years. I don't even think I am going to be allowed to go to his funeral as they will not tell me anything let alone when he dies. My mom died in the middle of all this, I lost most everything we owned and I am in a place where I would not have been had he not wanted a job. Days seem unbearable at times, and I am told I am going through Anticipatory Grief. But is there any help for me? What can I do? At times I feel like a horrid wife and daughter in law. Most of my family is gone. I have one son 28, that is a disabled vet. He has his own problems, I can not lean there. Does your book cover this? I know of countless people I have run across where families of dementia, Alzhimer's, brain cancer and other brain disorders that are going through this all the time. My story though unusual I am finding is not unique. There are just not many of us like this. Now my husband doesn't remember most of our marriage and won't talk to me. Help Please.

Back in February, my best friend was killed in a car accident. My heart is broken. I don't feel good about anything. When I do start to feel half-way good for a minute, it hits me again and I feel so sad. I almost seem to shake it, but its tough because I keep wishing I would have been able to say goodbye or something. The same thing happened with my dad, who died on the operating table. Never saying goodbye is so painful, so frustrating. I ask God to let me talk to her. Will it happen?

I have lost my dad, and a husband in the last 14 years. My dad passed away in May of 1997, and my husband, May in 2000. I am still having difficulty moving on with my life. Every time a certain song, or their anniversaries are near, I get so sad and depressed, and I cry often. Is it normal to be grieving even after all this time? I relive their deaths every year. My dad died on May 2nd, and my husband died on May 14th. It's a very hard time for me. Do you have any insight on what I am experiencing? Thanks for your time. God Bless. Mindy

I lost two husbands within nine years - one to a heart attack and one to liver cancer. The last one was a year and a half ago and I thought I was doing better. I went to see the doctor and also moved to a new apt. The thing is, sometimes I cant even get out of bed. Sometimes I don't leave the apartment for days. Is this normal? I keep thinking that one day I'm just gonna have a complete break down.

I lost my fiancé back in July, 2010. He was my everything. It hurts as bad as it did when it first happened, but when I think of it I get extremely angry. Is this normal?

How do I respond to family members who seem critical of my grieving, who tell me to "move on", "you're self-absorbed", "self-destructive" and other hurtful things?

This started the day of his memorial service when I was told I was "being rude" and "enabling myself to feel sad" because I cried after reading the sympathy cards. They act as if I want to feel this way, are disgusted and want me to feel guilty.

Do they really expect me to act happy for their sake? I try but I'm getting tired of propping everyone else up. They have said/done nothing to comfort me in any way and act as though my spouse never existed. It hurts a great deal and isn't helping me heal any.

Appreciate any advice you can give..Thank you

I grieve for my mother who recently passed. Now I feel my family is adrift and not united as before when she reached out to all of us and reminded us that we were a family, no matter what. We're all not communicating like before.

What can we do to begin the process of establishing better communication between siblings?

As most families, we had our spats but love and unity should be the way of family. Let me me know about this issue, and I will also research and look further into your site. Thank you.

I lost my dad about five weeks ago and I am truly devastated. Even though he was a chronically sick man, diabetes, congestive heart failure and high blood pressure, he seemed and acted fine all the time. He was not only my father he was my best friend. I miss him constantly, I think about him constantly.

I had spoken with him and there was something in his voice that was differen. Eight hours later he had a massive heart attack and died instantly. I keep wondering if I could have done something to save him. Should I have insisted he go to the hospital? I am so confused and all I do is cry constantly though not as much as I did a few weeks ago.

I am in a state of disbelief and all of this still feels like a dream, when does that end? Why am I now questioning my tenure as a daughter and if I did everything in my power to be the best daughter?

Most of all, will I ever feel whole again? I know this is a lot but even though I am 41 years old, this it my first real death experience and it hurts so bad it is physically painful.

Why do families tear apart when a parent is dying?

How can siblings avoid, ignore, or cause so much trouble when the parent was so incredible and very involved in all family gatherings, etc?

My mother passed away suddenly in 2007. We were never close as I grew up because she was abusive and addicted to prescription pain medication. I still feel very angry at her sometimes because of the way our relationship was left when she died. Is it normal to feel angry towards somone who is dead?

How do I get over the death of my mother who died on her birthday? We were very close. Wherever she went, I was always there with her. She had Parkinson's disease for over 16 years and never complained. She lived life to the fullest. She was my best friend. The holidays are the worst. I just feel so depressed at times, I miss her so much .The night she went into cardiac arrest, I blame myself because I wasnt there with her. How do I go on? Its been only three months.I can lie in bed and just cry because I miss her so much. I pretend I hear her talking to me. How do I go on?

My Husband passed away just last year, I tried with all my might to breathe air into his asthmatic lungs. I watched as he choked and looked up and rolled his eyes. I tried and tried and could not revive him! Now I have that image in my head of his struggling for air. Over and over it plays. I find it hard to breathe now some nine months later. I also lost my step father and father-in-law all within several months of my husband's death. The grief is so heavy. I find it hard to get past everything! It all haunts me daily.I don't know what I should do. I have kept all my daily routines, working still, but nothing helps me with the heavy grief, crying, and the image of his not being able to breath.

My Name is Sammi. I'm 17. My dad passed on Sept. 30. Honestly, I can’t handle it. My dad and I fought all the time. We never got along because of the past. I had a little girl and he was so happy when I brought her to visit, because he thought he'd never get to see her. I saw him for the last time 15 days before he died, and I have a picture with him and my daughter and me. He looked so sick. How do I get over the fact that he's gone? How do I get over the guilt I have? How do I forgive myself for not getting him help when I saw the condition he was in? I’m depressed about all of this and I don’t know how to do this without him!

Hi, it’s Sammi again. Sorry to bother you, but I have another question. My sister is very depressed because our dad died exactly a week after her birthday, and she just doesn’t know what to do. What can I tell her? She hardly went to visit him and she regrets that very much. How do I tell her that none of it was her fault, and that she shouldn’t blame herself?

My 11 year old lost her father in 2009 and recently lost her Granny. She seems to get angry when people speak about her father and upset/aggravated when they ask how she is doing. Is this a normal reaction?

Russell,

Thank you so much for answering my e-mail and being honest with me.
He has been my everyday living breathing life and soul for 28 years, so I'm just so lost and half here - the rest of me is with him.
Thank you again for taking the time to answer - most don't. Believe me I know!
You are the only one who has!
How can I live a life that's dead?
Because without him I am!

My mother had Alzheimer’s for 15 yrs-she died recently from alleged complications from pneumonia. She was in the hospital for 5 weeks. I think she died from medical error Her death was horrific She suffered her last 2 weeks there. I prayed and begged God to take her and not let her suffer anymore. I am very disappointed/angry with god. 15 yrs of Alzheimer’s and then 5 weeks of pain and suffering at the end of her life. I can accept her death but not the way she died. God's plan for each of us is unknown to us, but what does the bible say about suffering? She had not enjoyed life as we know it for over 15 yrs. She never complained. I feel like she should not have suffered anymore She had served her time. I realize that you cannot explain God's ways, but can you help me move on? I'd like to go back to church with a clean healthy spirit.

How can I explain the death of my parent to a a child with special needs - autism?

The child is a seven year-old diagnosed as 'mild' and presents with ADD on a mild scale. He is able to communicate relatively well. When he describes 'grandma's house' he immediately states that she and his uncle Ed live there. As far as his cognitive ablility is concerened, he can easily play video games and knows not to touch the stove.

He was very close to his grandparent. She would care for him whenever I had to work late or had to leave town on business. He could quickly pick her out in a crowded room and freely accepted and gave affection to his grandmother.

I have been living with metastatic breast cancer for the past 4 1/2 and I feel like I have lost friends and those I have are not very supportive. I am not sure if it is me or that they don't know what to say to me. Is this normal? What might I do to help with this lack of support. I feel lonely and forgotten.

Hi, My mother was everything to me. The week before she passed I was using a lot of crystal meth and I was verbally and physically abusive to her. The day before she died, I said I hated her. I am her next of kin, and I got the phone call that she'd died the next morning. The hospital gave her a bad overdose of medication. Now I am alone, sad everyday, and feeling guilty. I put myself through purgatory and numerous melt downs. Will my guilt ever go away?

I'm 14 and my mom just died. I overheard my school counselors talking and they are worried about me because I haven't cried. I still miss her, but when I cry, it hurts. It makes my eyes burn bad and makes me feel like throwing up. Whenever I got mad or one of my pets died, mom would tell me not to cry cause I'd make myself sick. I don't think I should cry now either. What can I do other than force myself to cry to make people stop worrying about me?

Every time someone talks about my grandpa I feel like crying, but it has been a little over a year since he passed, and we were close. Is it normal to feel that way about someone you were very close to?

How do I stop the ache of just missing my husband. After 41 years together he pased away. He should not have died but God had other plans. It's like I can't breath and on a beautiful spring day I have the worst ache inside because I want to talk to him and see him. The ache of missing him is the hardest thing to deal with.

I have just discovered my ex husband has died. Although he was my ex I still feel as if a huge part of my life has died with him. No one bothered to tell me, or his child that he was even ill. I can't stop thinking about him and wishing I could have at least spoken a few last words to him. I hide my grief from my husband. He has no idea how I feel and would not understand as he is very jealous man. I am confused and don't know how to cope with this. When I'm on my own I watch his tribute video and cry with regret. This can't be healthy but I feel so hopeless I don't know what else to do.

I lost the love of my life on Dec. 23, 2010, two days before our second Christmas. It was a very sad and emotional time in my life, to watch the man I love sooo much pass away in front of my eyes, the feeling of being so helpless, knowing that it was God's wish to take Steve home. Now it is the first Valentine's Day, alone since Steve passed, the feeling I have today is so empty, and alone, I miss him so much, even though we were only married a short time we shared every waking moment we had together and that is what I find so hard today, the empty feeling and the loniness. What can I do to help the grieving?? tthank you, Linda

My friend passed away almost a year ago. We  met in March of 08 and he got me started on my career in the US Coast Guard. He had done so much for me and made me who I am today. Unfortunately I never got the chance to tell him. He knew that March 29th, 2010 was his last day on this earth, but he didnt bother to tell anyone. He died on couch at his residence at 75 years old. He died of prostate cancer. I dont know what to do and I'm severly depressed. Do you think you could give me some pointers? I feel very regretful for not telling him "thank you for everything."

My husband passed away a month ago unexpectedly. I found him deceased when I came home from work. For the past 15 years my sons disrespected him for a mistake he made in the past. One son didn't bother to stop in to see him last year even though he was in the area 12 times. He actually picked a fight with him when my husband was a patient in the cardiac unit. He dismisses this incident even though he was so wrong. The next time he saw his father was in the casket. My other son got into an argument with my husband's brother (his uncle) 6 months prior to his dad's death, owed him $600 which his father so generously lent to him to help him overcome a hard time financially. He never paid the money back. The third son borrowed thousands from us for his education. The day of my husband's death he left a message for his father that he would not get the student loans to pay some of the money back. He himself said that may have contributed to his father's death.

I have a lot of anger for my sons for this callous, insensitive feeling for their father. They never really took the time to know him. Their memories are all negative and they keep logs of their slights and talk only about slights in the past. I have a lot of anger toward them. As if the grief isn't hard enough, I have to think about how they hurt their father. Please tell me how to put this situation into perspective.

Hi. I just lost my mother a week ago and have returned home from taking care of her apartment, car, possessions and her life. My mom was only 48 years old and I am 29. I am worried that the reality of my loss has not quite set in yet. My sleep pattern and appetite have been affected tremendously. I feel physical pain plus odd muscle twinges I did not have before. I am not abusing alcohol or drugs. I was always the strong one in the family and the one who took care of everything and everyone.

My question is if I feel numb am I still grieving? I was only angry for a few days following her death and now I am just sad. More than sad. I understand that this is a traumatic experience but I am worried that the pain I feel will hit me all of once and render me incapable of living the life of a fully functioning adult. Do you think that is reasonable worry? Thank you for the help.

I lost my grandma in October. She raised me almost my whole life. I left home at around 16 years old and I came back to see her every once and awhile. I knew she loved me and wanted me so badly in her life again. The week I moved back my dad told me, go see your grandma. I told him I would but I had things to do for unpacking, and my son. A few days later I get a call from my dad saying she passed away. I kick myself every day that I didn’t say anything to her when I should have.

My dad and I were the only family here in California and took care of her every day. She was the only thing my dad really had. When her funeral came around I never really, truly grieved. I was trying to be strong for my Dad and my son. Now I can’t stop thinking about her. Almost every day something reminds me of her. Every day I cry. I miss her so much. I pray every night, talking to her. I have a picture of her in my truck that I say is my guardian angel. Will I ever be able to accept this? Will I ever stop crying? How do I accept the things I did?

Maha from NY tells us: I lost my dad a year ago and life has not been the same. Every morning I get up and the first thing that comes to my mind is why he left us. I know it was not up to him to decide but he was the best friend I ever had—the person that I look back on every time I fell and see his hands reach out to me.

My daughter who is 3 asked me if she can take the plane to go to heaven, which brought tears to my eyes, because I know she misses him just as much.

Life itself just seems very tasteless, nothing seems to matter. Everything just seems to end with that last breath he took. I can’t go to my parents' house because every time I enter, every corner seems to tell a story of him. I feel like the person that cared for us the most is no longer here and no one else seems to care. I am always in an upsetting mood and my mind just thinks of him at all time.

Belinda from MD writes: My dad went into the hospital on Nov. 15 and died on Dec. 20 of renal carcinoma. He was 73 and his illness was unexpected. We were able to get him home about 2 hours before he passed. I know its natural to grieve over the loss of a parent but I feel so empty and lost without him here. I'm 48 and feel the loss so intensely. I had thought about this happening throughout my life but because it's such a natural process didn't think it would hit me so hard. I just want to be with my Dad. No, I do not plan on rushing my death but I just feel so lonely without him. Is it normal for an adult child to feel like this?

Nancy from CA writes: I lost both my parents this past year a couple of months apart. My mom's death was somewhat expected, but not my dad's. I feel a tremendous loss and pain. I keep capturing all the sad moments of this past year. I feel as though I"m experiencing post traumatic stress syndrome. Do you have any suggestions? I have both of them on my mind constantly. Please help!!!

Tom from AZ laments: I'm always consumed with thinking about my Fathers death!

Katie from IN asks: Does losing someone extremely close to you ever get easier? My best friend was murdered on New Year's 2009. People keep telling me that it will get easier, but the emotions I feel now are just as strong if not stronger with each day that passes. Every day is still as if it is just as fresh as it occured yesterday, I know he wouldn't want us to miss him like this- he would want us to celebrate his life and time here, but I just can't move past this paralizing sadness.

Paula from AR writes: My daughter who is 16, was the driver of a vehicle that had an accident. It spun around and rolled and hit a motorcyclist. The man passed away. She feels so horrible and wants to go to his funeral, we do not think it's appropriate. The family is mourning the loss of a loved one, she wants to pay her respects. What do you think?

Sharon from PA asks: Do we ever really "recover"? It is almost four years since I lost my husband to liver disease. The holidays are still difficult to bear. He would have just had a birthday on which I did not have a good day.And, I can't celebrate my birthday anymore as he died on this day. Don't we just deal with it more-so than recover from it?

Trace from Texas writes:

Just over 6 months ago, my step-father of 30 years was killed by a drunk driver. I'm only using the word step, because in my eyes, it means he chose me. It was my first day at a new job and I had been driving an old family hand me down truck that had seen much better days. Throughout the day I had made some conscious decisions regarding the use of the truck, knowing I might need to call my dad to get me out of yet another jam. To make a long story short, after helping me get the truck running,my dad was following me home. A drunk driver struck him head on and he died in a matter of minutes. I drive this road twice a day, to and from work. Knowing in my heart what went on in my head that day makes everything so incredibly hard to deal with. People say that it was just his time, he was doing what he always did. But I don’t see it like that in any light. I can't see past the only reason he was on that road. I feel like it's easier to say when you don’t expect the blame.

Anonymous from California writes:

My sister-in-law recently passed away. We had a falling out about a year ago. I apologized to her, but she would never accept my apology, or see me again. I am very saddened by her death. My question is how does a person get over this type of loss, when there was no way to reach the person before they passed?

Anonymous from Nevada writes:

I lost my dad to suicide when I was twelve and now I'm sixty, and sometimes still find myself caught up on an emotional roller coaster when I allow myself to think about it. I realize that when this happened there were no support groups to go to and no one to talk to. At the time, anything to do with suicide was just not discussed and people (including clergy) completely avoided the topic at all costs including, my immediate family. However, some decades later, I stumbled across a support group that dealt with this sort of thing and decided to attend. I soon discovered that even though it happened long ago, the aftermath of emotions quickly surfaced as I began to talk. Initially, the group seemed to help, but the more I attended I began feeling overwhelmed by the dire sadness of hearing story after story of others who's losses were more intent and recent. You could hear and feel the pain handed to them by their loved one no longer here and how they too, were beginning a lifetime sentence of complex questions that would never be answered.

I have since, stopped searching for the answers because, there are none, and have tried my best to accept his final decision by agonizing over two realizations after much soul searching of my own. First, I realized that the pain he had been forced to endure for whatever reason, was just too much for him to bear any longer. Secondly, I'm sure had he realized that his pain would be passed onto his family, once he was gone, he may have had second thoughts about going through with it because, I believe anyone contemplating suicide isn't thinking about the aftermath afterwards. Instead, I think they are only thinking about ending their own pain and freeing others of any pain they have caused.

Thank goodness, I don't have to deal with this everyday anymore, but at times, it still catches me off guard and tries to take me down that most dreadful path, once again. I think the most difficult thing that I had to deal with was when I realized how my dad knew it would be his very last time that he would ever see me, but strange as it may sound, I have never been able to remember, that last time with him! Maybe, it’s a blessing in disguise for some unknown reason.

I will be getting your book soon and look forward to possibly finding a tool or suggestion to have to use in the event that I ever need it and wanted to write to thank both of you so very much for touching my heart with your unselfish words of wisdom!

Thank You!

Kimberly from Ohio writes:

I lost my husband of only 18 months, almost a year ago now. We were high school sweethearts. My question is in two parts. First when does the feeling of—it just feels like they are away like they are going to be right back, like even though you went through the funeral process you still have the feeling they will be right back—does this feeling ever leave?

Second part of the question: My kids are really starting to ask if I am going to move on to another relationship? I don't understand the length of the grieving cycle, the different stages per se. I don't want to continue on with someone else until I am for sure I am completely—as well as can be at least in this situation—ready emotionally and mentally. What is a normal time frame for the normal widow to grieve?

Anonymous from WA writes:

My husband, 21 years married and together 24, died suddenly, after having a wonderful day with his boys, grandchildren, our very close friend and myself. He died alone, at home, and was not found for hours afterwards. He had just been through years of hell, alcohol, and had just come out of treatment and was on his way back to his real self. Now he is gone and all that anyone seems to remember about him are the last few years. Why do I have to keep reminding everyone that that was not who he was? I miss him so much but his memory is being destroyed by others around me and I see how it hurts our children—young adults—and I am so torn about how to respond.

Anonymous from Florida writes:

Will I get over losing my ex, friend, grandma and grandpa, and if I do, how will I feel? How can I tell them I love them when they are not here? Why do I blame myself for my grandma's death?

Lorrie fron Indiana writes:

I keep asking myself why me? My son in November, my dad in January, and now, my oldest daughter. Everyone wants to know why I’m so weepy. I have one daughter left [and three grandchildren] and I panic if I don’t hear from her a couple of times a day. I need peace. Apparently I’m a beast they think should be heavily medicated, but my mind overrules that. Thanks for listening.

Justin in Virginia asks:

How do you try to get past what the person you loved did to end their life?

TY from Washington asks:

I lost my son in May when he gave his life trying to save a friend who fell into a creek. Initially I dropped 50#, have now gained it all back, find myself having to eat way more to keep my weight up. What is causing this, is it anxiety? I still find myself waking up every morning, looking around the room, hoping it is not real. I still can't look at photos of him or his most personal possessions. Hardest part is realizing my life will never be the same. I think it is possible to find peace but I will never truly be happy again.

I lost my father this past September. I'm writing this and not really believing it's true, still. I cry every day and night. I was very close with my dad. He had cancer. Doctors told him if he got chemo, he could have 5 more years of life. I believe now, and also then, that chemo is used for monetary gain, as my father only lived a year. It destroyed his immune system.

Why didn't they just tell my dad at his age he'd probably have a better quality of life without the chemo? I guess I know that answer-GREED. They gave my wonderful dad false hope. I remember my dad saying those exact words with tears in his eyes. I keep thinking over and over again in my head, if only I could have had my dad for 5 more years. He did not look his age. He was full of life and had been healthy all his life. He wasn't even on any medication. Instead of covering their behinds (the doctors), they should be honest with people and not just think of the almighty dollar. Sorry for writing so much, but I'm afraid I will never be happy again.

My daughter is 23 years old and is moving away from home (my only child), so it is my mom who I will be around with the most, which is difficult, because it is a very hard time for her. They would have been married 60 years in October. Does the hurt and pain ever go away?

My daughter died in Dec. 2008. She was mad at me for not bailing her out of trouble and had not spoken to me in 6 months despite repeated attempts to communicate with her. The last thing she said to me was that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I never got a chance to say goodbye nor make things right. I can’t find joy in the holidays anymore. I’m having panic attacks that seem to come out of nowhere. I went through two courses of grief counseling. Why is it so much worse this year that last? I feel as if I am regressing instead of progressing. And how do you solve unresolved issues when the person is dead? I've tried and had no results. Do you have any suggestions for me? Sincerely, Theresa

Will I ever feel normal again?

My Mom passed away Easter of 2009. During that time I was caring for her and in school to obtain a Master's degree. When I completed my degree this past May (2010), it felt as if the grief was stronger than ever. How can feelings be so delayed? Needless to say, I keep asking myself if I could have done anything to prolong her life but that seems to make my feelings of sadness stronger. I really thought I would have experienced healing by this time.

This is the second Christmas, but only a year in a half since my mother died. My sister died three years ago and my brother died this past September. The holidays are getting harder and it’s probably because I’ve lost so many people in a small amount of time. I’ve known I was depressed this season. I barely celebrated and that was because I moved into a friend’s basement, with her and her family upstairs. This holiday season at work has been hard because there has been a period of time where about 5 co-workers parents or siblings have died. How do I start feeling a little better? How do I start moving on?

My second request to you has to do with the trite and inane remarks people make to me on the passing of my mother. People who don't know me are "sorry" for my loss. People who do know me call me morbid. I find all of this very distressing. I won't bother you again. Thanks for caring, Sam

My mother, who passed away earlier this year, was an extremely private person and wished to keep her financial information from the extended family, establishing a Trust ten years ago. Due to difficulties with changes in the law, I am now finding cockroaches creeping from the woodwork, so to speak, and I'm having added stress dealing with not only with her passing, but also with those people. I feel violated and I'm experiencing physical symptoms. Please help.

My cousin killed himself over a year ago, and I am still in a state of denia. Is that normal after a year?

My mother recently passed away at the age of 94 and the Christmas holidays were extremely difficult. Even though my mother lived a long life, we didn't get along too well during my younger days and there was much resentment. Now I feel guilty but devastated that I still bear hard feelings, yet am so sad that my mother is gone and we never became loving mother and daughter. How can I overcome the sadness and the guilt?

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from NC writes:

“I lost my father tragically a few months ago. I was a witness to the crime. I am struggling. I put up a good front to others but on the inside I am barely making it. I cry every day. It is hard for me to talk about him. I don't want anyone to talk about him because it makes me sad. I shy away from my daughter when she brings him up. I know that he's gone but for some reason, I am having a very hard time accepting it. I often feel that this is a dream and I will wake up. I miss him so much. I need help, someone to talk to...are there any support groups for family members that have lost their loved ones tragically?”

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from CA writes: “I was wondering if anyone could give me advice about how to stop the small dead, hollow feeling that always surfaces inside my chest over both of my aunts' deaths. Sometimes my chest feels as if it's being squeezed and held in a death grip. It can be suffocating, and hard to breath at times especially when I visit their graves. I have tried for eight years to stop this pain but nothing that I have done can stop it. Please if anyone can give me any advice it would be appreciated.”

Susan, a Tributes.com visitor from CA writes:

“I only had the love of my life for a mere 5 months and no one knew he was gone for a week(long story). I never got to say I love you or goodbye, this pain is so bad I can't function and I want to get through this but how do I and when will I be able to stop grieving?”

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from FL writes:

“I lost my sister when she was 27 yrs old and I was 25. It was such a shock due to a horrific car accident. She left 3 kids behind, who I love with all my heart. It has been 8 yrs now and it STILL hard and STILL can't accept her death. Since her passing, Nothing has been the same...I don't want to enjoy anything. I miss her sooo much and I know my sister would be someone who I could always count on. Will it ever get better? I always think about her and her children and my heart breaks. It really has been a struggle for me, I now deal with depression and panic disorder. I was given a wonderful gift 2 yrs after my sister died, I had a baby of my own and my daughter was born on my sister's anniversary of her death. On that day, It's a bitter sweet but I feel soooo guilty to even crack a smile on that day. Why can't I accept her death? When will I heal?”

Stephanie, a Tributes.com visitor from NC writes: “My sister lost her husband back in July. I have been staying with her every weekend since it happened. She is all alone in her house with their dogs. She never stops cleaning or taking care of the animals. She never relaxes. She stays busy, doesn’t sleep very well. How can I get her to take time out for herself? She is so lost without him. He did EVERYTHING for her. And I do mean everything. He cooked, cleaned took care of the bills...I mean everything. What can I do?? I have gone over early and cleaned for her so she would not have to but she will not relax. Does she need more time? I know it’s only been 4 months, but I am very worried about her and her mental state. I talk to her every day. But what can I say to help?”

Ann, a Tributes.com visitor from KY writes:

“My mother is 89 & suffering from dementia & severe serious health problems. In 2005 my dad suddenly died in her arms. In Nov., 2010, my brother was killed (investigation still on-going). My brother has not had any contact with my Mom for 21 yrs.. Now, my mom sits and cries and says "he was my son." We try to comfort her, but with dementia we feel hopeless not knowing if our words reach her or not. She demands to know how he died and to date we don't know. How can we help her cope? Thank you so much, Ann”

Rebecca, a Tributes.com visitor from OH writes: “I lost my dad suddenly last October on the first. My birthday is the sixth. He was only 49 years old. Will I ever be able to stop being numb and let go? I still think every day that it was a bad dream and wait by the phone for him to call me. Does the loss of a parent ever become bearable. By the way I am only 21. I was a few day shy of 20 when I found out that he had passed.”

Kendal, a Tributes.com visitor from TX writes: “I lost my 3 year old son almost 6 months ago now to a condition that he was born with. Doctors told me that it would happen, but he fought his way back from multiple hospitalizations and complications, I just knew he would be with me forever. I haven’t accepted it, and I desperately need to know how to live again?”

Bobbie, a Tributes.com visitor from OR writes: “My husband was brutally murdered in January of 2010. We had a very strong loving relationship and I do not feel I am doing well at all. Is it possible that after all the court dates and trial, I will feel different, better? The murderer is in county jail awaiting trial. He has not even put in a plea yet. It has been almost a year. Right now, I feel like I could die from a broken heart.”

Jessica, a Tributes.com visitor from OK writes: “My mother died in August at the age of 46. My mother loved Christmas more than any other holiday, and she made Christmas in our family very special. This is the first Christmas without my mother, and it has been very difficult for me and my family thinking about this "joyous" time. I am married with 2 children and I am trying my hardest to put on a happy face for my family, but behind the smile I am very sad and somewhat depressed. I don't know how to get through this tough time w/out feeling this way.”

Al, a Tributes.com visitor from TX says, “I lost my mom in 2007. I took care of her and sort of put my life on hold. I’m 48 and single and all alone. I can’t get over her not being here. I still cry daily. Is that normal?”

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from TX included these comments and concerns in his question:

My mom died in April, 2010. I can't stop thinking about her. There are still times that I think about calling her, and then realize she is gone. I'm not sure that I am ever going to stop feeling this way. I know that I miss her more than most men would miss their moms. I feel so lonely and depressed without her. I never thought I would be so lost. Is this normal at all? Will these feelings ever subside?

“S”, a Tributes.com visitor from Michigan asks: “Why is getting over my dad’s suicide so hard? Will I ever recover? I tried everything. I don’t want to let him go.”

“T”, a Tributes.com visitor from Georgia asks:


My father died in July, 2010. I have been having the same nightmare of me walking in the room and seeing him laying on that bed, cold and stiff, every night since he died. My dad died of cancer and he practically starved himself to death. Because of that, I can’t eat and I have lost 26 pounds. How can I get myself through this hurt and feelings of guilt.

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from MO asks: My friend’s dad died a few months ago, now her brother is hurting himself. She is very depressed is there any way I can help her?

Anonymous, a Tributes.com visitor from LA asks:

I lost my brother and feel guilty for not having talked to him for 2 months prior to his death. We used to share secrets and always could count on each other, but now that he is gone I cannot get over the grief and guilt I feel. After an argument, I erased his calls before listening to them and wish I could take it back.

“P” a Tributes.com visitor from Florida asks:

I lost my husband of 35 years several months ago. I feel like I have gone crazy. I’ve been to a psychologist weekly, church, support groups, I just can’t live like this, and I don’t feel like a have any reason to live. My Dr. said I have detached chronic complicated grief. Is this common?

"N" a Tributes.com visitor from WV asks:

 I lost my husband very unexpectedly 2.5 years ago and am still grieving very deeply. There are days when I just can't function at all and others where I get by. It seems that I will never get over the anger both at him & God. I talk with friends and saw a counselor but neither seems to make much difference. Is this normal? What can I do to help the deep depression and sadness that I feel? It seems the only way I can cope is to sleep or get lost in watching TV.