Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - On being "Ruled from the Grave" There's truth in that phrase, but Grief Recovery can break the bondage of that tyranny. (Published 12-27-11)

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On being "Ruled from the Grave" There's truth in that phrase, but Grief Recovery can break the bondage of that tyranny. (Published 12-27-11)

My mother passed away suddenly in 2007. We were never close as I grew up because she was abusive and addicted to prescription pain medication. I still feel very angry at her sometimes because of the way our relationship was left when she died. Is it normal to feel angry towards somone who is dead?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Linsey,

Thanks for your note and question.

The answer is YES! It is very normal to feel anger towards someone who has died.

If the relationship was not repaired before she died, her death leaves it in the exact negative condition it was in when she was still alive.

You’ve probably heard the old expression, about being “ruled from the grave.” This situation is the perfect example of why that expression is so accurate.

But, as is painfully obvious, you cannot get your mother back alive and talk directly with her in an attempt to repair the damage caused by what she did and didn’t do during your childhood.

The good news is that there are things you can do to become emotionally complete with your mother even though she is no longer alive, and in doing that, have some freedom from your past.

Go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. As you read it and take the actions it outlines, you’ll find your anger diminishing, and you’ll discover a newfound ability to live more effectively in real time and not in the past.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell And John

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On being "Ruled from the Grave" There's truth in that phrase, but Grief Recovery can break the bondage of that tyranny. (Published 12-27-11)

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Ask The Grief Experts Archives

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