A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Lisa,

Thanks for your note and question.

We realize you have a tremendous amount of emotion about the horrible treatment of your mother, and of the callous disregard for you and your right to know what was going on. The problem is if you focus on that, you miss the primary grief issue which is the death of your mother. Please understand that even if you could press a law suit, and you won, it wouldn’t deal with your broken heart.

We believe that heart of yours is represented by your words, “I am a tortured soul and so lost without my dear mother…” Unless we miss our guess, we think you’d be just as heart broken if your mother had died in different circumstances, without all the deceit.

We’d also guess that some of your feelings relate to the idea that you may have let your mother down by not being able to protect her from the things that happened. It certainly makes sense if you feel that way, but if you get stuck on being upset with yourself and preoccupied with the doctor, the nursing home, and the administrator, again you are off target.

Without dismissing any of those things, the key to your well-being hinges on you taking the actions of Grief Recovery which will enable you to want to participate in life again, for you, and for your children, and in honor of who your mother was.

Go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. It will help you become emotionally complete with your mother, and, will give you back some energy which you can direct at whatever legal issues you need to deal with. But it will also make you available to your children, yourself, and others.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John