Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - Is it always appropriate to go to a funeral? (Published 7-12-11)

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Is it always appropriate to go to a funeral? (Published 7-12-11)

Paula from AR writes: My daughter who is 16, was the driver of a vehicle that had an accident. It spun around and rolled and hit a motorcyclist. The man passed away. She feels so horrible and wants to go to his funeral, we do not think it's appropriate. The family is mourning the loss of a loved one, she wants to pay her respects. What do you think?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Paula,

Ouch – what a horrible set of circumstances for everyone involved. And, we imagine, painfully difficult for you as the mom.

There is no exact correct answer to your question of whether or not your daughter should attend the funeral.

Assuming that the accident was just that, and there were no compounding issues like alcohol or other factors that contributed to the death, then it might be okay for her to go.

One key is whether or not she’s had direct contact with the grieving family, and whether they would be willing to have her be at the funeral.

If there’s any way that the grieving family could be contacted—perhaps by you—to see if they would be amenable, we’d suggest you look into it.

If they say “no,” then we think your daughter would need to respect that.

Based on the little bit we know, we believe that the part of your daughter’s heart and soul that wants to pay her respects, casts her as a wonderful young woman.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell
And
John

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Is it always appropriate to go to a funeral? (Published 7-12-11)

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