Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - I have regrets thinking about removing life support - maybe there would have been a miracle. (Published 4/7/2015)

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I have regrets thinking about removing life support - maybe there would have been a miracle. (Published 4/7/2015)

My father had to be taken off life support as he was classified as "no brain function" after suffering a heart attack. I have regrets thinking maybe there would have been a miracle. My siblings are at peace with the situation, but after many years, I cant seem to move forward. What can I do?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note and question.

Sadly, many people find themselves trapped in doubt about decisions they made in the past—especially in this situation.

It’s also not uncommon for there to be differences between family members about what is—or looking back—at what was the right thing at the time.

But knowing that it happens a lot really doesn’t help you.

It’s true that nobody can tell you absolutely that a miracle couldn’t or wouldn’t have happened. But we’d guess that’s not really the issue. We think that your doubts are more based on your broken heart and on missing your father.

What you can do is go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. As you do, we think your questioning of what was done and your regrets will subside, and with it will come the ability to retain fond memories of your father.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John

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I have regrets thinking about removing life support - maybe there would have been a miracle. (Published 4/7/2015)

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