Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - Someone with parallel losses can't necessarily help you because all relationships are unique. (Published 5/20/2014)

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Someone with parallel losses can't necessarily help you because all relationships are unique. (Published 5/20/2014)

Maybe you can help me or suggest where to go. I am an adopted, only child,and both my adoptive parents have died. Where would I look to find others that are basically 'orphans' that are in the same situation as I am. Our grief is different in some ways— as we ( I ) now have NO RELATIVES on the planet and the intensity of the loneliness I feel is horrific. What do you think? Help please!

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Nancy,

Thanks for your note and question.

We are not aware of any organization made up of adoptees who’ve had both of their adoptive parents die.

However, we can suggest that while it may seem to you that if you found someone who had a parallel situation to yours, that you wound find help or guidance from them, respectfully, we disagree.

We do believe that your loneliness is horrific, in part as the result of having no relatives. But we have helped many people—who were not adopted—who also wound up with no relatives, and also felt totally alone on the planet.

Besides, one of the most important issues for you is your relationships with each of your parents who died. We can’t tell from your note if those relationships were good, fair, poor, or mixed for you.

The key to you being able to feel less lonely and isolated is first for you to become emotionally complete with your adoptive parents who died, and then with other people who have been important in your life.

Go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. As you read it and take the actions it outlines, you will find yourself feeling less isolated. And the book can help you learn what to do to become emotionally complete with the parents who gave you up for adoption.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell And John

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Someone with parallel losses can't necessarily help you because all relationships are unique. (Published 5/20/2014)

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