A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Sally,

Great question!

Yes, we believe that anyone can become emotionally complete in their relationship with someone important to them who has died, whether that person was a loved one or a “less than loved one.”

As a result of taking the actions of grief recovery, the idea of “wounds” and painful feelings usually shifts. That does not mean that we stop missing the person; nor does it mean that we will never again feel sad about their absence; nor does it mean that our lives are not changed by that absence.

We often tell people that three of the results of effective grief recovery actions are:

1. Remembering the person the way we knew him or her in life, not only as we knew the person in death.

2. When thinking about the person who died, fond memories do not turn painful.

3. Having a life of meaning and value even though our lives are dramatically changed.

Also, keep in mind that with a big enough stimulus or reminder about the person, you can have a lot of feelings (of all kinds), and with it some pain, but different than it was when they first died.

There’s much more to it than the little bit I’ve written here, but the key is the taking of the actions of grief recovery — not so much “grief work” — but grief recovery, which is a very big difference.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John