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When it's hard to believe that someone you love is gone. (Published 5/26/2015)

My daddy died while I was in prison. I have been out now for 2 months and it’s still hard on me to come to the fact that he is gone. I tell myself everyday that he's just out on the boat and I’ll just call him later. But then when I pick up the phone, he isn’t there. How can I get myself to realize that he is gone?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note.

For most of us, our parents are the longest relationship we have. We’re so used to them being there, that it's very difficult for our minds and our hearts to adapt to their absence.

We think you not only realize that your daddy has died, but that awareness is probably very painful for you.

So rather than not realizing he's gone, we think it’s your broken heart talking to you—but please understand that that’s totally normal.

We’d also guess that you miss your dad, and that it’s likely that you were hoping to spend time with him when you got out, to make up for some of the time you lost while you were inside.

Go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. You will find yourself more and more able to adapt to the reality that he’s no longer here, but you will retain the fond memories you have of your relationship with him.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John

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When it's hard to believe that someone you love is gone. (Published 5/26/2015)

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