A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Taylor,

Thanks for your note, and we’d be glad to give you some pointers.

In part, unresolved grief is made up of all the things we wish had happened differently, better or more. That includes all the things we said or did not say; and the things we had done or not done in our relationship with the person who died. It’s also about those same things we wish the other person had said or done.

Also, we say that unresolved grief is about the undelivered communications of an emotional nature that we discover after the death, when it feels like it’s “too late” to communicate them.

For you, as with many thousands of people we’ve interacted with over the years, those undelivered communications are in the area of how much someone meant to us or what they did for us, and the fact that we never specifically told them how appreciative or grateful we felt before they died.

The good news is that the Grief Recovery Method shows people how to make those important statements, even though they have to be indirect, because the other person has died.

Go to the library or a bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines, and you will be able to feel more complete in your relationship to your friend who died. The sense of depression and feelings of regret should diminish, and you’ll be able to have fond memories of the relationship not turn painful for you.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell
And
John