Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - It's difficult to define normal as it relates to grief, but if you're troubled by your thoughts and feelings, get help. (Published 9/15/2015)

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It's difficult to define normal as it relates to grief, but if you're troubled by your thoughts and feelings, get help. (Published 9/15/2015)

My husband died 12 years ago. I think of him everyday and often re-live—in my memory—our early days together. Something always reminds me of him. I expect him to come in the door and say 'hi honey, how are you and how are the kids?' He developed Parkinson’s Disease at 44 and died at 61. I am now 76. Is this a normal grief reaction to go on so long?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Elizabeth,

Thanks for your note and question.

It’s difficult for anyone to define what is or isn’t “normal grief.”

However, it’s not unreasonable that many things remind you of your husband who died. And when reminded, that the scenario of him coming in and greeting you plays over in your mind – and heart.

A delicate question we’d ask you is whether or not you have developed or maintained a new romantic relationships since your husband died.

If not, we think that the reliving of memories and expecting him to come in make a certain amount of sense, especially if you’ve never taken any actions to help you become emotionally complete with his absence from your life.

If the thoughts and feelings you’re having are troubling to you, we’d suggest you go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. As a result you should feel a shift away from that repetitive set of feelings, without losing the fond memories you have of your relationship with him.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John

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It's difficult to define normal as it relates to grief, but if you're troubled by your thoughts and feelings, get help. (Published 9/15/2015)

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