Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - Is it normal for an adult child to feel like this? (Published 8-9-11)

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Is it normal for an adult child to feel like this? (Published 8-9-11)

Belinda from MD writes: My dad went into the hospital on Nov. 15 and died on Dec. 20 of renal carcinoma. He was 73 and his illness was unexpected. We were able to get him home about 2 hours before he passed. I know its natural to grieve over the loss of a parent but I feel so empty and lost without him here. I'm 48 and feel the loss so intensely. I had thought about this happening throughout my life but because it's such a natural process didn't think it would hit me so hard. I just want to be with my Dad. No, I do not plan on rushing my death but I just feel so lonely without him. Is it normal for an adult child to feel like this?

A Grief Expert Replies:

(Dear Belinda,

ABSOLUTELY YES!

It is normal and natural to be hit so hard, and to miss someone so much. And even to have some of those thoughts you’ve had about wanting to be with him.

A part of the intensity of your feelings can be ascribed to the suddenness of his illness and death. But we'd guess that the bulk of your emotional reaction has to do with the positive relationship we imagine you had with your dad.

Also, if we assume that dad was often the person you went to when your heart was hurt by life’s sad events, then his absence at a time when you would need him the most can be extremely painful. The very person you would go to is now the source of the pain.

If you’ve read some of our other Questions and Answers, you’ll know that now we'll suggest you get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook [in libraries or bookstores], which will help you discover and complete what is left emotionally incomplete for you, even though we think this was essentially a very positive relationship for you.

From our hearts to yours.

Russell
And
John

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Is it normal for an adult child to feel like this? (Published 8-9-11)

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