A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Nancy,

Ouch, your emotional plate is full.

Part of the problem with multiple deaths in a short period of time is that even if or when we feel we are starting to be able to keep our head above the emotional waterline, another wave comes and pushes us under.

It's difficult enough to adapt to the absence of one important person from our life, but two—and especially parents—is overwhelming.

Adapting to the natural grief of life without them here is only one element of the problem. There's also the matter of what is left emotionally unfinished in the relationships with each of them—that is all the things you wish had been different, better, or more, and all the unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations about the future. That's true for all relationships whether they were good, bad, or mixed.

We are not doctors or psychologists so we will not comment on the idea that you may be experiencing PTSD, but we know for sure you are experience grief.

Like most grievers, you're probably courageous and would be willing to take actions to help yourself, if only you knew what those actions were. We suggest you go to the bookstore or library and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. It clearly outlines the actions you can take to help yourself become emotionally complete with each of your parents, which will help diminish or even eliminate that sense of constantly capturing the sad moments. It will help you have fond memories not turn painful for you, and enable you to begin to retake a productive place in your life, even though they are gone. And, the sense that you are affected by PTSD will most likely go away.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell
And
John