Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - It's overwhelming when we're sad about the death of someone important to us, and afraid of another loss. (Published 8/13/2103)

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It's overwhelming when we're sad about the death of someone important to us, and afraid of another loss. (Published 8/13/2103)

My sister died from a brain tumor in 2009. It was a horrific death. I can't get the images out of my mind. I was there at the end of her life. I had moved to the state where she lived to help take care of her. She believed, right to the end, that she would be saved; that things would turn around and she would live. So I believed that as well. I went to a grief support group for 8 weeks, read books, but it didn't help. Since then I cry every day, I have put on 30 pounds (that refuse to go away even with diet), and worry every day that something could happen to my dog; who is my lifeline. She was there when my sister died and has been an incredible support to me. My dog got ill shortly after my sister died. I nursed her from the brink, although she still has a mass in her tummy. I am so attached to my dog that I honestly don't believe I could go on without her. My sister was the closest, most important person to me. If I lose my dog, then I feel I would have nothing left. It has been 2 1/2 years and I'm still in the same place as before with my grief. I don't know what to do.Please help!

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note, and your absolute honesty about what’s going on with you.

It saddens us that people don’t always get the help they need from what are referred to as “grief support” groups. The problem, as we see it, is that those groups often support pain, and don't always offer any real recovery. And while there are a host of books on the subject of grief, the real topic is grief recovery, which is what helps people complete the pain rather than just read about grief and talk about it.

And we hear you loud and clear when you talk about the emotional bond between with your dog, and your fear of losing her.

The fact that it has been 2 ½ years and you’re still in the same place proves that time doesn’t heal emotional wounds. The key to being able to “restart” your life is in taking actions that will help you complete what your sister’s death left emotionally unfinished for you.

Go to the bookstore or library and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. As you read it and start taking the actions it outlines, you will begin to feel a shift—a positive one—and you will be able to get unstuck.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell And John

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Ask The Grief Experts

It's overwhelming when we're sad about the death of someone important to us, and afraid of another loss. (Published 8/13/2103)

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Ask The Grief Experts Archives

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