Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - Grief can feel worse when insensitive language is used. (Published 12/22/2015)

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Grief can feel worse when insensitive language is used. (Published 12/22/2015)

It‘s coming up on two years since my Dad died. He was 84. I’ve been in therapy every week and am maxed out on medication. A part of me died with my Dad. Things will never be the same again. I go to the cemetery everyday to be close to my Dad. I was with my Dad everyday and cared for him. My Dad was in a rehab center to learn to walk again and seemed to be doing great. I received a call at 5:27 AM on that fateful day. They said, “We did everything we could. Your Dad has expired.” I was like, expired to me means a gallon of milk expires, not my Dad. I did not like that word. I feel so guilty that he died alone, that kills me. I miss him so, so much. I feel so alone

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note, as painful as we imagine it was to write.

It’s bad enough that your heart is broken because he died, but that cold, inhuman language they used when they told you he was gone, just makes it worse.

And we’re sure that after being there to help him so much, and not to be with him when he died, is even more painful for you.

You’re right, things will never be the same, and anyone who says they will, is wrong. Even though that’s true, you need to learn how to retain your fond memories of him and your relationship with him not be drowned out by some of those bad things that happened.

Go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook Read it and take the actions it outlines. As you do, you’ll start to adapt to your life without Dad here. You will be able to remember him fondly and not be as burdened by those things that felt so bad, including the fact that you were not there when he died.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John

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Grief can feel worse when insensitive language is used. (Published 12/22/2015)

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