A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Cindy,

Thanks for your note. It must seem overwhelming to you to have had so may people die within a relatively short time. Not to mention the feelings you probably had—and still have—about your ex-husband and that he ended his own life.

There are six myths that we write about and talk about that affect many grievers. One of those myths is the idea that it’s helpful to Keep Busy in an attempt to deal with the tremendous amount of emotion generated by the deaths of people who are important to us.

The problem with Keeping Busy is that it does nothing at all to complete the unfinished emotions caused by the death, nor does it help you deal with the unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations you had for your future with that person. And worse, Keeping Busy just exhausts you, and when it doesn’t fix your broken heart, you begin to think that something’s wrong with you.

Prayer is wonderful, but, like Keeping Busy, it doesn’t complete unfinished business, nor does it fix your broken heart.

We suggest that you go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. As you read it and take the actions it outlines, you will find a shift in how you feel; you will be less exhausted; and you will no longer have to cry yourself to sleep.

[Note: if your faith is still strong, we suggest that you use your prayers to ask for the courage to take the actions of grief recovery. It is a very helpful use of prayer.]

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John