Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - Alcohol and drugs only cover up the pain, they don't lead you to feeling better after a loss. (Published 6/23/2015)

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Alcohol and drugs only cover up the pain, they don't lead you to feeling better after a loss. (Published 6/23/2015)

Will I ever get past the death of my husband? He died two and ½ years ago. He was my second husband and the love of my life. I sold our home and moved to another location. I felt better at first, but now the grief is back. I cry almost everyday. I am reliving all the things we did together. I even have bouts of resentment for some of the things he did. I feel guilty about this. I just want to stop having these thoughts. I was taking anxiety medication but stopped because I felt I was getting addicted. I have episodes of drinking to stop the pain. That only makes me worse. I’m also resenting my children for not being here for me. I feel let down by everybody. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss someone. I’m so sick of this grief and loneliness. What to do?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Janie,

Thanks for your note and questions.

We imagine that it’s overwhelming for you to have so many things in your life out of control, and that on top of your broken heart from the death of your husband.

Even though you stopped the meds and realize that the drinking probably does more harm than good, neither drugs nor alcohol do anything constructive to help the emotional pain caused by your husband’s absence from your daily life.

Go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. It will help you deal with the resentments you’ve carried forward and the feelings you have about those resentments. With some new freedom, hopefully your emotional and physical health will improve along with your ability to participate more fully in your life in your new community.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John

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Alcohol and drugs only cover up the pain, they don't lead you to feeling better after a loss. (Published 6/23/2015)

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