A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Al,

Thanks for your note and of course we’re sorry to hear of your mom’s death.

You pose an interesting question which does not have a simple answer.

If you had said that you smile daily remembering things about your mom and your relationship with her that you enjoyed, you probably wouldn’t be asking if that was normal.

By the same token, missing someone, and crying is not all that different. So from that point of view it can be normal to be sad when we miss someone who’s no longer physically here. There’s no limit on how often or how much we feel sad.

As to your comment about crying daily: I assume that when you cry about your mom, the sadness you feel is emotionally painful for you.

If so, it is important that you discover and complete what may have been left emotionally unfinished in your relationship with your mom. As you do that, you will most likely find that the kind of painful sadness you have felt will diminish and the frequency of those sad or painful feelings will also lessen.

The actions that will help you discover and complete unfinished emotions are contained in our book, The Grief Recovery Handbook, which is available in most libraries and bookstores.

The sooner you get the book and take the actions it suggest, the sooner you will find changes in how you feel. The actions will not cause you to forget your mom, nor will they limit any fond memories.

Pain is the feeling we’re trying to help you deal with, while leaving the normal feelings of sadness and joy.

We hope this helps.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell Friedman and John W. James