Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - The Pain of Grief Doesn't Have to Be A Permanent Companion

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The Pain of Grief Doesn't Have to Be A Permanent Companion

You talk of grief "recovery" but there is NO recovery from the death of a child. My son died September 4, 2009 I will never "recover" because who I was before his death has disappeared and gone vanished and this other woman is left behind so if I have morphed into another person how can I recover? I am this person now forever a bereaved mother lost in a world of intact families. Perhaps I can learn to live along side this fact that my son is dead but recover? No never.

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dearest Trudy,

I must start by saying that I have a special place in my heart for those of us who have experienced the death of a child. My son died in 1977 and at the time I thought and felt as you do now. I pray that you do not close your mind to the possibility of feeling better while at the same time never forgetting your son. My issue back then was lack of knowledge about what actions to take in order to heal my heart. Now we know what very specific actions a person can take to clear away the pain so that you are left with your fond memories.

Russell is going to give you some direction on where and how to start. Please do not give up on the idea of having a life of meaning and value even though the circumstances of your life have been changed forever.

If I were there with you, I would give you a hug.

John W. James

Dear Trudy,

Honestly, there’s not a whole lot I can add to John’s heartfelt note to you.

Let me suggest that you go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. It is the book that John originally wrote on a typewriter and self-published out of his garage, to help others who’d had a child die.

The writing of the book was the result of all the trials and experimentation he did to try to find a way to accommodate the emotionally impossible reality of the death of his son. In learning what he could do to deal with the death of all the hopes, dreams, and expectations he had for his son, and their life together, he uncovered some actions that helped him feel more emotionally complete, in spite of his broken heart.

Over the past 25 years, there have been many modifications and improvements to the The Grief Recovery Handbook, but one thing has remained the same, and that is the very first sentence which says: If you are reading this book there is a high probability that your heart is broken.

Believing that sentence is also true for you, we suggest that rather than focusing on whether or not recovery is possible, just read the book and see if what it says makes sense to you. Within the first 58 pages, which is Part One, you will have a clear idea of whether or not the book, and its content, can help you.

I join John in saying that if I was near you, I’d offer a hug.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell And John

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The Pain of Grief Doesn't Have to Be A Permanent Companion

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