Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - Feeling half-way good, and then plunging down the emotional elevator shaft (Published 2-21-12)

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Feeling half-way good, and then plunging down the emotional elevator shaft (Published 2-21-12)

Back in February, my best friend was killed in a car accident. My heart is broken. I don't feel good about anything. When I do start to feel half-way good for a minute, it hits me again and I feel so sad. I almost seem to shake it, but its tough because I keep wishing I would have been able to say goodbye or something. The same thing happened with my dad, who died on the operating table. Never saying goodbye is so painful, so frustrating. I ask God to let me talk to her. Will it happen?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Chris,

Thanks for your note and question.

We are not surprised that you don’t feel good about anything. After all, the sudden tragic death of your best friend has turned your universe upside down.

What you describe about starting to feel half-way good, and then going down the elevator shaft, is a very common reaction. We call it a roller coaster of emotions.

As painful as it is, it is a normal and natural reaction to what has happened—you’re not crazy.

What’s really hard is the fact that you didn’t get to say goodbye. That’s almost always the case when there’s been a sudden death—and in addition to losing the person, the feeling of being unfinished tends to stay with you.

As you might imagine, we can’t really answer your sad question about being able to to talk to her. We know it is your broken heart talking.

But we can direct you to The Grief Recovery Handbook, which you can get in the library or a bookstore. The purpose of the book is to help you discover and complete what the death left unfinished for you, including the missing good-bye, as well as all the unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations about the future.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell
And
John

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Feeling half-way good, and then plunging down the emotional elevator shaft (Published 2-21-12)

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