A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note and questions.

No, it is not unusual to have recurring dreams over a lifetime. Many people do.

Since your dad died when you were so young, it makes sense that you would have a powerful relationship to the images in the dream, as they obviously represent a connection to him.

Also, we’d assume that since you were so young when he died, you have relatively few conscious memories and images of him, so again, it makes sense to have one recur, even in dream form.

Whether or not it represents unresolved grief is a question we can’t answer definitively.

And, it’s interesting and logical that the dream tends to surface when you’re feeling stressed. Since the dream itself could be be called stressful, it kind of shows how the feelings that surface in our dreams seem to mimic what’s happening in our waking life.

That said, there’s a very high probability that you have more than a little unresolved grief about the relationship with your father who you barely knew, and who was not there for most of your life.

We’d recommend that you get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook [available in most libraries and book stores]. As you take the actions it suggests, you may find that the dream may disappear or modify, as you remember other aspects of your relationship with your father.

We notice that you said you find it hard to talk about this with anyone. So we want to say thanks for trusting us with this – we know it has a lot of emotional meaning for you.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John