A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Nancy,

Thanks for your note.

When we read a note like yours, the image that comes up is of someone struggling in the ocean. Each time she gets her head above water, another giant wave comes and pushes her under. We imagine that you have felt that way much of the past five years.

We hear you loud and clear about hurting everyday; about the feeling that you can’t take anymore deaths of people in your life; and that social life has become unimportant.

First, we’d like to say that this past March is just a few months ago and all the prior losses notwithstanding, the death of your brother is still very raw. And since your brother was so very important to you, we'd guess that his death has a great deal of emotion attached to it.

We also know that when a new loss happens, it reminds us of all the earlier ones. So at this point, the accumulation of losses and the emotions attached to each relationship are front and center in your heart and your mind.

It’s NORMAL and NATURAL to feel hurt, to be overwhelmed, and to NOT want to participate in social situations. So we don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, but since you contacted us with your story, we believe that you are ready to take actions to deal with the impact of your brother’s death, and the accumulated feelings related to the other deaths.

With that in mind, we suggest you go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. As you read it and take the actions it outlines, it’s most likely that you’ll sense a reduction in the level of pain you feel, and at some point, you’ll feel encouraged to reestablish your social interactions.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John