A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Margaret,

We are very touched by your note.

Over the past 25 years, we’ve had had a tremendous amount of input from people who struggle with their feelings about God following the death of someone important to them. So much so that it is one of the primary reasons we asked our publisher to allow us to write a 20^th Anniversary Edition of The Grief Recovery Handbook, in which we could address “Loss of Faith” as a major grief event.

We also were very affected by your last comment about wanting to go back to church with a clean healthy spirit.

Generally speaking, when people are disappointed with or angry at God, we suggest that the first thing they do is take the actions of Grief Recovery in relationship to their person who died – in this case, your mother. For many people, taking those actions is enough to allow their relationship with God to rectify itself without any other actions needed.

But, for some people, it's necessary to also take the actions of Grief Recovery in relationship to God, or to their clergy members, or church, in order to feel emotionally complete with any or all of those entities. The specific guidance about God, faith, clergy, and church are the basis of that new section in our book.

Recapping for you: We’d suggest you go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of the The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. It would probably make sense for you to work on your relationship with your mother first. Then, if your relationship with God is not affected positively by that, to take those actions about God and faith.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell
And
John