A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Drew,

Thanks for your note and total honesty about what you’re experiencing.

The powerful images we can conjure up in our minds about things we’ve read or heard, are nothing short of terrifying.

And, as you indicate so clearly, the simple connection from the six year old boy in the story, to your son in the same age range, stays in the forefront of your mind—and your heart.

In our opinion, your heart is where this is really happening. Your love for your son and other children, coupled with your fear that anything bad would ever happen to any one of them, keeps you stuck in this horrific visual loop.

In order to break out of it, you might try to go right through it, instead of under, over ,or around it.

The next time the image pops into your head, say this to yourself: “What a horrifying image I have in my mind’s eye, and I need to remind myself that I love my children and will do anything and everything to guide them and protect them from harm."

The fact is that you already do guide and protect them. You’ve taught them to be careful when they cross the road and not play with dangerous objects. And yet, we’d imagine they’ve all gotten cuts and scrapes and bruises.

As you protect and guide them, you also have to be careful not to smother them because of your fears of what could happen to them. You’re teaching your little birds to fly, not to stay in the nest forever.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John