A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Debbie,

Thanks for your note and question.

We have no doubt about that comment you made about feeling as if your best friend is gone. Please notice that I rephrased what you said from “someone has taken my best friend,” to that your “best friend is gone.”

It is an important distinction. If you choose to believe that Humphrey was “taken” away, either by God, or anyone else, you may rob yourself of the true emotions of grief which can help you get your heart back.

We’ve known many people who got focused more on the death and who or what may have caused it, than on the real issue which would is your glorious 19 year relationship with

Humphrey. For some people that happens because the hurt of thinking about the animal who died is so massive, that they redirect their energy towards someone or something else, sometimes with anger and sometimes with questions like the one you asked of God.

As painful as it may seem, you can’t go under, over, or around your grief, you must go through it.

If course we’d imagine that you’re aware of the intellectual truths about life spans and that we are all going to have to die. But the fact is that you’d be devastated if Humphrey had died at age 10 or 12 or 15, or even if he had lived another few years.

What we’re saying is that we believe that your question about loving and then having things taken away is your broken heart talking to you from it’s infinite sadness about Humphrey’s death.

If you believe that the joys of your life are gifts from God, then it makes sense to believe that your sadness is also a gift. In order to be able to perceive the wondrous memories and feelings about Humphrey, you must also be able to feel the pain of the loss.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell And John