Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - The good news and bad news are equal—it's normal and natural to love somone and hate some of the things they've done. (Published 7/29/2014)

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The good news and bad news are equal—it's normal and natural to love somone and hate some of the things they've done. (Published 7/29/2014)

My older brother died at age 52, and my younger sister at 55. Now it's only me to take care of our mom and dad (88 & 86). Both siblings sponged off of my parents for years, up to the end of each of their lives. I had to move back to my parents home to take care of mom and dad while those two were already here. I love and miss both of them, but in the same sentence, I'm so Mad At Them! Is this the way I express my grief or am I just upset that now I have NO LIFE except for doctors and nurses? Everyone I know here is over 70. Get my drift?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Suzi,

Thanks for your note and question.

Yes, we do get your drift!

It’s impossible for anyone outside of you to define the feelings you’re having, as to whether they represent what happened and the personalities involved, or in your conclusion of feeling as if you now have no life.

We define grief as “the “conflicting feelings caused by the end or change in relationships.” When you say you love and miss both of your siblings, and at the same time you are incredibly angry at them, you’ve stated the almost perfect storm that defines conflicting feelings.

The good news is that it is normal and natural to have those widely different feelings.

The bad news is that it is normal and natural to have those widely different feelings.

Yup, the good and the bad are tied together. Which points you in the direction of needing to learn how to become emotionally complete in your relationships with each of your sibs.

Go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. As you do, you’ll sense a shift in your feelings, and hopefully renewed vigor and energy for your life even though you are still saddled with the care of your parents. Granted, it is a draining situation to be in, both physically and emotionally.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell And John

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The good news and bad news are equal—it's normal and natural to love somone and hate some of the things they've done. (Published 7/29/2014)

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Ask The Grief Experts Archives

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