Grief Recovery Institute Featured Question - If someone doesn’t want help, there’s not much you can do to force them. But there are some things you can do that might help them be willing to try. (Published 11/12/13)

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If someone doesn’t want help, there’s not much you can do to force them. But there are some things you can do that might help them be willing to try. (Published 11/12/13)

We lost our 22 yr old son a year and a half ago, It's been a devastating time for all of us, but my husband has closed himself off from us. He never comes out of the bedroom and seems to be so angry with everything that it's hard to even live with him. Is this normal and will he ever snap out of this? We have other kids and they need him to be a part of their lives too.

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Melissa,

Thanks for your note and questions.

We can only imagine how difficult it is for you and your kids to have to tiptoe around your husband and his anger and isolation.

You ask if what he’s doing is normal. The answer is that it is all too common, it happens a lot. It is somewhat within the range of normal reactions to diabolical situations. Dealing with the death of anyone, and in particular the death of your child who didn’t get to live out a full life, is never easy and some people stay stuck, stay angry, stay away from everyone, and don’t seem to want to come back out. It’s very hard to help them, because they don’t ask for help, and usually don’t react well if you offer to help or suggest that they go get some help.

And, if someone doesn’t want help, there’s not much you can do to force them.

The best we can suggest is for you and your kids to take care of yourselves. Hopefully you are each doing things to help you become emotionally complete with your son – their brother – who died. If you feel you need more guidance for yourselves, go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. As you read it and take the actions it outlines, you may find yourself better able to interact with your husband, and as a result of what you do for yourself, he may be encouraged to pick up the book and start reading it. That would be the best possible hope for him to come out of his shell.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell And John

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If someone doesn’t want help, there’s not much you can do to force them. But there are some things you can do that might help them be willing to try. (Published 11/12/13)

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